How To Save A Life
by Meredith McGarrett
Summary: 11x21 How To Save A Life "Five p.m. is my deadline. If I haven't heard from him until then ... I start freaking out." Meredith explained to Maggie. "You're freaking out, though, now, aren't you?" "They've found his car near a crash site but not him ..." [This is the episode. A miracle you'll never forget.]
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1  
**

* * *

**A surgical residency is all about training for the worst. But, as prepared as we might be, we usually don't see disaster coming. We can try to envision the worst-case scenario, to foresee catastrophe. But, when true disaster strikes, it often comes out of nowhere. And when the worst really does happen, we find ourselves completely blindsided.**

* * *

**Why do bad things happen to good people? We ask that question so often, it's become a cliché, but that's because bad things do happen to good people constantly. You just have to hope that when it's your turn, you'll know what to do, how to cope, how to persevere. But the truth is, you don't know how you'll react to your worst-case scenario. None of us do. Not until it happens.** Meredith Grey; One Flight down

* * *

"There's this girl, she can't find her boyfriend." Meredith told Arizona, both of them were barely holding it together.

Arizona knew she was talking about her and Derek's situation now and then in the woods where they crashed. Where she lost her leg. Callie had to amputate 'cause the infection went into her bone. But she didn't knew it had been Alex who made the cut. Meredith was freaking out because D.C. called and told her that Derek never made it to his meeting.

They were alone in a supply closet, hiding from anyone.

"We're going to be okay." Both surgeons repeated that sentence, but didn't actually believe it. "We're fine. We are." They breathed heavily, trying to regain their senses. This plane crash brings back all the emotions they tried to suppress and forget. It was totally understandable that she was freaking out or was on the verge to.

But there's no way that they can escape …

"I don't want to go out there." Meredith confessed suddenly.

"But we have to, there are injured that are in need of our help … I was there when they started to examine Kate, one of the patients, and I kept having flashbacks, Derek breaking down in front of me, you shouting in pain, Lexie trapped under a piece of wreckage, Cristina freaking out, me doing pericardiocentesis on Mark … I just freaked out and ran away to find you. I just … I just couldn't take it." Meredith told her, staring at the wall.

Arizona looked at her for moment, then she sighed before saying: "We're okay, that's not us in that plane crash. We're okay." Arizona Robbins repeated. Although it was clear that they weren't okay.

"Yeah." Meredith nodded. Then someone opened the door, light was in the supply closet. Arizona and Meredith looked up, both flinched at the same time. It was Alex who opened the door and was now looking at them expectantly. "Are you okay?" He asked, referring to the plane crash. "Do you think you can work?" He glanced at the both of them. Both nodded in synchrony.

"Okay, but if you want to be replaced, come and find me or someone other who knows what's going on and tell them you can't work today." Meredith replied: "We're fine, aren't we, Arizona?" The blonde peds doctor nodded in agreement. "Yeah, sure." Alex scoffed a bit.

"What?" Meredith asked, although she knew why he was doing that. "You sure you can work today? With Derek missing and all?" Alex asked.

"I am fine." Meredith said. She was lying. She knew it and Alex knew it but no one admits it. "I am not supposed to hear from him anyway, since we're not that kind of couple who clings to eachother." Meredith shrugged him off. But Alex was right. "Uhuh." He reacted.

* * *

_Derek watched her sleep and as she stirred a bit, he said: "You're awake." Meredith was still half-asleep but that changed after Derek talked to her with his McDreamy smile on his face, covering it. It was a nice way of waking up. "I am now." Meredith turned around, still half-sleeping. "Don't pretend staring at me isn't creepy because it is." "Is it sexy creepy or …" He wanted to know, smiling at her widely. Meredith turned in the cushions to face her dreamy husband.  
_

_Derek asked but Meredith cut him off: "How long have you been awake 'cause it's still dark outside."_

_ "A little while, not too long." He said, then he added: "Your snoring woke me up." Meredith frowned. She didn't, since Derek she became aware of when she snores. She didn't snore. But it seems like Derek had something other in mind about that.  
_

_"I don't snore anymore." Meredith insisted. _

_"You know, there in D.C. I could hear the metro station near my apartment and the trains will me wake up every morning. This is a much better way to wake up." He whispered to her._

_ Then he kissed her on the forehead. Meredith only replied with: "Yeah." Then he continued his kind of-monologue about trains and Meredith's snoring. "Your snoring is like a train." He chuckled a bit but Meredith didn't really found that funny. "But it's so much cuter." He meant it as a compliment. "I don't snore." Meredith replied smiling happily to be together with Derek. _

_"Your snoring is like music and a loud gurgling bird on a train." That's when Meredith started hitting him with a pillow. With a soft pillow. Both were chuckling and laughing while doing that …  
_

* * *

Then there was a horn blaring and Meredith stood there, in the ER entrance, frozen.

She knew this was going to be a bad day. Then Bailey came running out, someone called out: "Is this the pilot?" and that's when Meredith started to move. "Yes, Sam Garret, 36 years old pilot, possible abdominal injuries and injuries to the chest …"

One of the paramedics while unloading the gurney, said.

Immediately, the doctors rushed to help him and get him into trauma room and stabilized before taking him down to surgery. Meredith was like in trance, she just did everything that needed to be done mechanically.

* * *

Callie walked along the hallway.

"Hey." She said. "I heard you two got the pilot." Bailey looked up, seeing the orthopedic surgeon talking to her. Callie started a conversation with Bailey, Meredith just ignored the both of them. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts. "Yeah, going in on him now." Bailey answered her coworker's question.

Then Callie looked to Meredith, she was worried about her. She does, however, express concern for Meredith.

Derek missed meeting in Washington. There's been no word from him.

"You okay?" Callie asked worriedly as she was sitting down on the opposite bench and was leaning over to her. Meredith looked at her for a slight second and she turned her view back to her feet as she prepared herself for surgery. Bailey was there too.

"'Cause you know there was a plane crash and I just thought that you maybe … A year after the plane crash Arizona still had nightmares and if I'd come home ten minutes late, she'd freak out. So I'm just wondering if you're doing okay." It was a tentative question but Meredith didn't answer at first. She didn't want to say it but she was worried about Derek.

Then she looked up at Callie and Bailey and said, beginning to explain: "Derek missed his meeting. In D.C. and I haven't heard from him." "Okay." Callie reacted and Bailey glanced at her former intern, guessing that she was freaking out nonetheless.

Of course this plane crash triggered memories from their plane crash.

And Derek missing did the rest.

Then Meredith stopped, she seemed to hesitate for a millisecond, then: "That's not weird. It's not like I should have heard from him. It's not like we call each other every second you know, we're not those people. I am a surgeon and I am busy and he's in D.C., he is busy as well so it's fine but I haven't heard from him." Bailey looked over at Meredith, scanning her.

She looked straight ahead, against the wall, desperately avoiding to look at Miranda Bailey or Callie Torres.

"It's not a thing." She sighed.

Bailey was going through the patient's medical file as she watched Callie and Meredith's interaction. Callie leaned forward, feeling that Meredith needed assurance that Derek was okay, that she was just freaking out. "It's the plane crash, Meredith. It's what makes you worry." For a moment, Meredith seemed buy it.

"I know, I know." She said, holding a surgical mask in her hands, she breathed in deeply and then she disappeared toward the scrub room. Dr. Bailey and Callie looked after her, both concerning about how this plane crash and Derek missing will affect her. Then Callie turns to Bailey.

"Call me when she … just call me." She asked Bailey who just nodded in reply. Of course she will.

Then Callie walked away to get to her surgery.

* * *

Meredith was in the OR with Dr. Bailey, operating on a plane crash victim or more specifically the pilot. They were doing an exploratory laparotomy. "Feel for the _mesenteric artery_ …" Bailey said, Meredith only subconsciously noticed that Bailey was maybe speaking with her but she stared straight ahead, trying not to think of Derek.

About his whereabouts … where he could be … what could be.

Only the beeping of the machines and the suction could be heard.

Bailey finally noticed that the younger doctor was distracted. She knew why. Grey had told her about Derek missing his meeting in D.C. and with the plane crash and all going on she had a right to be distracted, but just not in the OR, her nerves were on the edge.

She felt it. "Grey." Bailey called out. Meredith didn't react. She just flinched when she heard the other attending talking with her. "Grey, did you find the mesenteric artery?" Bailey kept asking something she didn't understood.

Her mind was blank.

Empty.

Then she reacted and apologized to Dr. Bailey.

"Oh, I am sorry … I …" She didn't finish her sentence. Bailey looked up from the surgical area.

"Dr. Grey, do you need replaced?" There it was, the one question she didn't want to hear. "No, I am fine." "No, you're not fine." Bailey gave back. "You're distracted." Sighing she said: "Look, you and Derek went down in a plane. You drowned, he got shot, you gave birth in a power outage." Meredith rolled her eyes, trying to focus on her patient but all she could think about was Derek.

"Is this supposed to make me feel better? 'Cause honestly, it's not."

Bailey shrugged and went on: "I am just saying, you have every reason to be distracted, every reason to think that the sky is falling. Do you need to go?" Bailey wanted an honest answer but Meredith insisted on being fine and not in need of leaving the operating room.

"No." "Okay how long can you go without hearing from him before you absolutely freak out?" Bailey asked, just wanting to help Meredith get through this. "… before you are absolutely going crazy?" Bailey wanted to know from her.

"I don't know." Meredith slightly raises her voice, panic was in it.

Worry too, about Derek. She already was on the very verge of going crazy. "I … I'm … I think … at six … six thirty maybe." She finally answered, her voice shaking. "Okay then let's say five. At five p.m. if you haven't heard from him you can freak out. You can panic, you can call the police, you can call the paramedics, you can freak out until then you stay focused. But not one minute before and not in this surgery. Can you do that?" Bailey asked Meredith in a serious voice, indicating she meant it.

"Five p.m." Meredith repeated, holding onto that.

"Five p.m." Bailey confirmed. "Yes."

"Okay."

For a moment, Bailey intently stared at Meredith and then they both go back to operating, saving their patient.

Then, out of sudden, their patient had cardiac complications and they had page Maggie 'cause the graft wasn't holding and he was starting to bleed out. Cardiopulmonary bypass wasn't an option so they had to think of something and that quickly if they wanted to save the patient's life. And finally, they got it right and the patients vitals stabilized.

The surgery was a success.

"You still haven't heard from him?" Bailey asked as she entered the scrub room, seeing Meredith looking frantically at her cell phone. So, she presumed that there weren't any news or calls concerning Derek Shepherd ...

... who better will be McAlive or Meredith's going to be McDevastated.

Meredith looked up, facing Dr. Bailey.

"No. No news." She replied. "Five o'clock. Then you can worry, Grey." Bailey addressed her former intern. Meredith didn't reply. "What's at five o'clock?" Maggie asked her sister, genuinely worried about her. "Five o'clock is my deadline. If there's no news I am gonna go home and freak out." Meredith explained.

"You're freaking out, though, now, right?" Maggie asked her sister who played nervously with her phone. "Yeah." Meredith answered, another answer was out of question. Of course she was freaking out, how couldn't she? Maggie nodded barely visible, then she continued: "Going over everything you think of, back to the last conversation you had and playing it over and over in your head from beginning to end, right?" Meredith just answered with a simple reply.

"Yeah." Maggie nodded knowingly, although she had no idea how Meredith feels. Not really, anyway.

"Yeah. That's what I would do too. You should go home, Mer."

Maggie glanced at her sister for a moment and touched her arm for comfort before she left the scrub room. Meredith got distracted once again as flashbacks hit her … And there was nobody with her, she was alone. Damn plane crash, damn memories. Why did Lex have to die, why? She could have met Maggie if she had lived … Could have. What could have been but won't ever be. Life was just not fair.

* * *

_Meredith and Derek were both lying in their bed as Derek told Meredith about a funny thing about cars and Zola. "Zola wants a car, did she tell you that?" Derek asked his wife. Meredith only chuckled in reply. "A car? She wants a car?" Meredith sounded like she couldn't believe it. "I asked her, I wanted to bring something from D.C. and she asked me to bring a car …" Derek started to explain. _

_"I would like to have a car she said." Derek grinned when he thought back. Both of them started chuckling. "Let's wait at least ten years." Meredith then said. _

_"Oh, it's gonna be here before you know it." Meredith looked at Derek as he said that. "And I told you … I said you're like coming out for fresh air. Like I was drowning and you saved me … It's you, it's always been you … I still feel that way, when I see you and our family that's the feeling and I want more – of this …" Meredith started to smile, she watched Derek. _

_"… of us … of, uh …" He tried to find the fitting words. _

_"I want one more." He finally said, meaning he wants another child from Meredith. Meredith looked at him with big eyes, didn't know what to say or how to react. "Let's have one more." Derek said with emphasis. _

_"What …" "I mean it." Derek said, grinning at Meredith. "You're crazy." Meredith replied finally. But she didn't say no. "That's not a no." Derek answered, a smile covering his face, he was relieved Meredith would consider this – maybe. But she didn't shut it down after the first time she heard about it. _

_So that's a good sign._

* * *

Meredith was sitting on the sofa, waiting for news on Derek. She listened to Maggie's advice and went home. She asked her to take the kids for this day and she said that she'll do it, of course. It was just too much, the plane crash, the worry about Derek, about whether he was dead or still alive … She really hoped he will call or somehow show up.

She watched the phone, expecting it to ring.

But it didn't. It's beginning to become questionable whether he will call or miraculously show up. And then the clock shows that it's five o'clock. Meredith breathed in deeply. Then she waited for another few seconds for the phone to ring but nothing like that happened. Then she stood up and walked over to the table only to reach for the portable phone.

As she held it in her hands, Meredith looked out of the window and seeing yellow, red and blue lights flickering before her window and something that sounded like sirens.

The police?!

Maybe they were coming to tell her that she has to identify his body. Maybe ...

A car parked, she assumed it was the police telling her that something had happened. There she was standing, unable to move or even breathe. She heard car doors being pushed back.

She never even flinched, she was numb. Preparing for what was going to come. That Derek was dead or seriously injured in a plane wreck or car accident. She knows the worst is yet to come. She had no idea how to prepare for that. What is she going to tell her kids? Speaking of kids, Derek wanted to … No. No, this is a nightmare and there's no freaking escape.

She remembers Bailey's words: "You have every right to assume to sky is falling down."

This was it. She knew in this moment that something had happened. To him. To Derek. Before they got to get their happy ending. This can't be it, it just can't be. We're not finished, Meredith thought, thinking the same words Cristina said before she left for Zurich.

She was already fearing the worst. Cops banging on the door couldn't mean anything good.

* * *

Derek was driving over some rural road. He had no idea why he had taken this road to the airport and not another one. But that was the decision he made and now he would have to live with it.

Derek was simply driving his car as another car overtook his car but after another few meters the driver lost control and it flipped. Once. Twice. And a third time. A car flipped over in front of him. Distracted, he swerved and tried to pull over, but he didn't see how dangerously near he came off road and near the rocks on the side of the road. His eyes were on the other car, the one that was flipping.

But he better paid attention. Derek couldn't believe it, he was shocked when he sees what was happening.

Shocked, he tried to brake but wasn't able to fully stop the car before hitting some rocks near the road.

He gasped when he hit the steering wheel with the chest when the impact hit him. But as he watched the other car coming to a hold a few meters away from him he forgot about his 'little' accident and ran over to the other car that was now lying there motionless on the asphalt. He could hear faint cries from the passengers.

Derek's eyes were wide with fear as he watched what was happening.

It happened so fast …

There was a boy with a head wound, with blood covering his head.

His eyes were closed as Derek approached him.

Luckily for the boy, he was a neurosurgeon. As Derek came nearer, he saw that the boy was unconscious. He bent down, gently nudging the boys' shoulder to get him to respond. "Hey. I am doctor. Can you hear me?" He asked him in slow clear words as the boy slowly opened his eyes, seeing a figure hovering over him.

"What …" The boy looked at him, surely confused. "What happened?" Derek sighed.

"You were in a car accident, your car flipped three times before coming to a hold." The boys' eyes widened in fear and shock, as Derek registered. "What, car … accident? Oh my … Where's my family? Where are they, are they dead? Oh my god, please don't tell me they're gone." He was hysteric, looking over to the car wreck that was lying there face down.

"Please don't tell me that the impact killed them. My sisters, my parents … Where are they?"

Derek decided to stop this: "Look at me." He interjected, forcing the boy to look at him.

"Can you tell me your name and your age?" The boy breathed in deeply and then answered Derek's questions: "I am Nicky and I'm sixteen. What … what are we going to do?" "First off, I am going to check out that nasty cut you have on your forehead and I'll also do a quick neuro exam, if that's okay?"

The boy nodded in understanding, hesitating to ask: "Are … are you a doctor? Can you help them, I think they're still in the car." Derek glanced over to the car, the tires were still rolling. It was just them and a deserted road that went to nowhere. Damn desolated landscape, he curses the fact they there was no one around who could help. Derek just hoped that his phone's still going to be working. He needs to call for help. They need emergency services here and that quickly.

After doing a quick exam of the head wound and a neuro exam, he told the boy that he was going to run back to his car to get a first aid kit to provide help with the limited supplies they have out here. When he came back, he opened it and searched through it until he found gauze and handed it over to the boy.

"Hold this against the wound." Derek advised and continued: "I need to go check on the other people who have been in the car with you."

"Please don't let them die."

"I'll do everything I can." Derek answered, he was being positive and optimistic but never promised anything - just in case things didn't work out for them.

"Just stay calm, I'll be right back."

With that he left the boy, running over to the car. Seeing that there were people trapped in there. "Damn it." Derek got out, he breathed heavily, trying to think of what he can do. Suddenly, a girl with blonde hair banged against the car window, seemingly crying in fear, shock or pain. He wasn't sure. "Please get me out." She mouthed, trying desperately to get his attention. Derek looked around, he needed something strong, to shatter the window in order to get the girl out. Then he saw a piece of metal lying around on the road.

"That could work." He murmured as he grabbed it and went over to the car. The girl watched him with big eyes.

Then Derek told her with a loud and clear voice: "I am going to break the window which means there will be glass shattered. Now I need you to turn away from the window and close your eyes, also cover them with your hands. Got it?" He waited for the girl's reply.

"Yeah …" She said, leaning away from the window and protecting her eyes.

"Good. On my count." Derek took a deep breath, feeling slightly light-headed but blamed it on the emotional side of all of this and disregarded it as not important. "One, two, three and …" That's the point where he broke the window. Then he started freeing the girl. "I got you, everything's going to be just fine." He said reassuringly as he laid her down on the ground, a few meters away from the car. At first, he secured her vital functions, then he did a quick neuro exam and checked for further injuries.

"Please don't let me die." She whispered, using her last strength to say these words.

"I don't let people die." Derek assured a young woman as he attends to help her although he wasn't sure what he can do if they needed surgery which isn't really possible in the situation they were in, he had no OR nor had he the resources needed. She seemed really scared which is completely normal after your car was sent flipping three times. She had blood on her forehead. "I'm Derek, I'm a surgeon. What's your name?" He asked.

The girl closed her eyes for a second before she answered that question.

"Jo ... Jolie." She finally answered.

"Good, Jolie, your going to be okay." He assured her, trying to keep her positive. "That'd be nice." She smiled at him before he continued his primary survey on her.

But before he got a chance to examine her further, he heard a small voice calling for help.

"Help." It seemed like it was another child, at the age of five or maybe six.

The girl heard it too.

"That's my little sister." She croaked, panic sounded in her voice. Derek was hovering over the injured girl and started doing a primary survey. "Are you feeling pain?" He asked. She shook her head. Derek knew adrenaline was a pretty powerful drug and knows that when it wears off, they'll see the full extent of the injuries.

Derek slowly stood up, looking for the little girl that had called for help.

She was walking around, probably had been able to free herself. He kneeled down in front of her went he saw her. She looked scared, tried to hide. But finally she seemed to trust him and when Derek told her to come with her, he needed to get her away from the wreckage, she reached for his hand.

She looked at him with big eyes, wide with fear and shock.

"Come." Derek smiled at her.

Then Derek heard the other girl scream for him, causing him to look up and looking over to her. The little girl on his hand was frozen when she heard this. Of course this was dramatic for a little girl.

"Derek. I can't ... I can't feel my legs anymore."

Now she was nearly hysteric. "Don't move." Derek called back, knowing he had to go back and immobilize the spine before doing anything else.

_Oh, crap. __Spinal injury. _

_Irony could be really horrible. If he had an OR and proper medical equipment and resources this wouldn't be a problem ..._

_But here's the thing, he had no operating room nor a CT to confirm the diagnosis ..._

Derek, the little girl still held onto his hand, hurried back to where he left the older girl. Also, Nicky, the boy had made his way over to them. But it seemed like there was something wrong with his ankle. Maybe it was broken or something.

It was hot, the sun was shining. They needed water. Derek had the slightest "Don't move so fast." The little girl told him with a small voice.

"Where are we going?"

Derek glanced at her face. She didn't seem injured but as soon as he manages the spinal injury - situation he'll carry out a primary survey on the little girl, just to be sure that he wasn't missing something that could be fatal. But first he had to help sort this spinal thing out before continuing anything.

* * *

She was already fearing the worst of what could possibly happened to Derek. Pictures of him being in a car crash and announced DOA before reaching the hospital. He severely injured in a car wreck that threatens to take his life. Meredith froze when the cops rang on her front door. She was afraid to open it because then there would be bad news, about Derek. Plane crash and Derek missing didn't mean anything good.

And it was ture. Meredith froze when the cops rang on her frontdoor, she was like frozen. Unable to move.

Or even breathe. She doubted that she'll even be able to speak coherently.

She needed Cristina- She always knew what to do. But that would not work since Cristina Yang was currently in Switcherland or more specific, police were ranging on the door for another time- This time they also called her name.

"Mrs. Shepherd? We need you to open that door." The voice sounded serious.

It was sending Meredith's thoughts in overdrive and she swore that her heart just skipped a few beats. When she heard that they were calling her Mrs. Shepherd, she flinched. They were calling her Mrs. Shepherd. Nobody ever calls her that. She was Grey, for them. Always. But that didn't matter.

Derek was what matters. Nothing else.

Then she finally moved and went to open the door. She tried to prepare herself for what was coming (maybe?!). Preparing for the worst.

When she looked at the officers' faces she instantly knew it was bad news, although they they tried to hide to hide it.

Meredith was barely able to keep it together. She just wanted Derek with her, him safe- both lying upstairs and their bed and talking about their future baby, they were talking about before he left. Damn it. She might never see him again. Alone that thought almost caused to her to hyperventilate. Was Derek, was McDreamy, dead?

She eyed the two officers, both were standing there with a somber and serious face expression. She waited for them to say something but when they didn't budge she said, trying to keep it together: "How can I help you?"

_Seriously, Meredith?_

"It's five p.m. and my husband's missing, he never returned any of my calls and I am freaking out which is ..." Shit, she was rambling, the policemen exchanged glances. "I am he one ... I was just about ..." Meredith swallowed, closed her eyes for a second as she tried to regain composure. She doesn't want to break down in front of the cops.

"I am the one who's supposed to be calling you. You know 5 p.m. was my deadline." Meredith laughed nearly hysteric. Every person had another way of dealing with emotional stress and this was Meredith's way. "I'm the one supposed to filing a missing persons - record and instead, before I get to do that, you show up here to tell me he's already dead?" Tears were filling her eyes.

Meredith's voice was breaking, she was barely able to suppress he upcoming sobs.

"I mean, can the universe be more cruel? I almost lost him at so many occasions. We were in a plane crash, he was shot ... and now after everything he survived he died in another plane crash." Meredith was npw jumping to random conclusions.

The elder officer stepped up and interrupted the rambling of Meredith: "Ma'am, we don't know yet."

"What you don't know that?" Meredith was confused.

_Derek wasn't dead, or they just didn't know?_

"We've located tthe car. There were two cars, one completely destroyed and another one crashed against the rocks. We think, the driver was distracted, the other car flipped and that's what caused him to swerve and ..."

"Okay." Meredith said. "Is ... is my husband alive?" She whispered these words.

"That we don't know." The younger man said.

Meredith frowned. This couldn't be good. "So, what we're saying, you have found two cars on a rural road, both have been in an accident, but what about the passengers? Where's Derek? Haven't you found him, where is he?"

"We don't know. We will keep you updated."

"Thanks." Meredith felt like she might throw up. This was more horrible than she thought it was. Two cars, one flipped and exploded ... maybe he died in the explosion when he was trying to save the others in the car ...

_No ..._

* * *

Meredith wasn't feeling very well after the police officers turned around and left her standing there, shocked and frozen. They drove away, with their blinking lights. Then she was alone. Alone with her thoughts about Derek and that that might have been the last time she had seen him.

"Meredith, are you okay? What did the police say, did they found him?" Amelia fired one question after another.

Meredith groaned slightly.

She hated this situation.

"They were able to trace his car, his and another one but they only found two cars without the passengers … One flipped over and completely destroyed and the other one crashed against a rock. But they didn't find the people." Meredith revealed the shocking facts.

Amelia just stared at her in pure shock.

Meredith turned around and grimaced faintly before going her way. Amelia glanced at her worried. Even though she had told Meredith to back the hell off she still wanted to make sure Meredith was okay.

"Don't feel so well. Like said before, Derek's gone missing. And I …" Meredith didn't end the sentence, instead she paled and ran for the bathroom.

"Meredith?" Amelia followed her. She was worried about her brother too. Meredith suddenly felt the need to throw up. She couldn't take it anymore, she felt bile rising up her throat and made a dash for the bathroom just in time. She began throwing up, Amelia appeared in the doorway. Without being asked, she entered the room and held Meredith's hair back.

All her strong and overwhelming emotions were taking its toll on her. "Are you okay?" Amelia asked as Meredith stood up, she flushed the toilet before walking over to sink to wash her face and rinse her mouth.

"Yeah, fine. Probably just the stress and all, you know with Derek missing."

Meredith avoided Amelia's question. Amelia looked away, remembering what she said about her not knowing what it's like to lose the love of her life. She could tell that she was thinking this, that she has lost Derek.

If the police haven't found him, just his car, how are the odds of him still being alive? She had no idea.

* * *

**You never know what happens, what your own nightmare might look like? How do you cope when tragedy hits ... **

**You never know until it happens and then it hits you out of nowhere ...**

* * *

A/N: Tell me what you think. This is based on the last episode and the promo for 11x21. I really hope Derek will be okay ...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

"Are … are you a doctor? Can you help them, I think they're still in the car." He got out, nearly hysteric.

Derek glanced over to the car, the tires were still rolling. It was just them and a deserted road that went to nowhere. Damn desolated landscape, he curses the fact they there was no one around who could help. Derek just hoped that his phone's still going to be working. He needs to call for help. They need emergency services here and that quickly.

After doing a quick exam of the head wound and a neuro exam, he told the boy that he was going to run back to his car to get a first aid kit to provide help with the limited supplies they have out here. When he came back, he opened it and searched through it until he found gauze and handed it over to the boy.

"Hold this against the wound. Seems like you got lucky and it's only superficial." Derek advised and continued: "I need to go check on the other people who have been in the car with you." The boy didn't care about himself, he just wanted to know whether his family was okay.

"Please don't let them die." The boy pleaded. "Is ..."

"Is there a way for me to help. I'm nearly unharmed." The boy wanted to help his familiy, Derek hesitated. He didn't like the idea of the boy walking around and all when he could be suffering from a concussion. "I don't think that's such a good idea." Derek said. "You could be more injured than you think are and we don't know until we get you and the others to a hospital to get the trauma scans done."

"But I don't want to be sitting here and just watching, I want to be able to help." He sounded desperate.

"I know." Derek just answered. "But you can't."

"Fine, I'll stay back." The boy was giving in.

Derek turned to the car, quickly estimating how the chances are that there will be other survivors. "I'll do everything I can." Derek answered, he was being positive and optimistic but never promised anything - just in case things didn't work out for them. He breathed deeply in, then he glanced back at the boy and told him to stay calm as long as he was gone.

"Just stay calm, I'll be right back."

With that he left the boy, running over to the car. Seeing that there were people trapped in there. "Damn it." Derek got out, he breathed heavily, trying to think of what he can do. Suddenly, a girl with blonde hair banged against the car window, seemingly crying in fear, shock or pain. He wasn't sure. "Please get me out." She mouthed, trying desperately to get his attention. Derek looked around, he needed something strong, to shatter the window in order to get the girl out. Then he saw a piece of metal lying around on the road.

"That could work." He murmured as he grabbed it and went over to the car. The girl watched him with big eyes. If he wanted to do something, whatever this would be he needed it to be doing fast. He had to be as quickly as possible.

Then Derek told her with a loud and clear voice: "I am going to break the window which means there will be glass shattered. Now I need you to turn away from the window and close your eyes, also cover them with your hands. Got it?" He waited for the girl's reply.

"Yeah …" She said, leaning away from the window and protecting her eyes.

"Good. On my count." Derek took a deep breath, feeling slightly light-headed but blamed it on the emotional side of all of this and disregarded it as not important. But it was, he just didn't know it yet. Also, he's too stubborn to notice that he's injured too. He just ignored it until it can't be ignored anymore ... But now he had other, more pressing things to focus on such as getting that girl out of the car.

"One, two, three and …" That's the point where he broke the window.

Glass shattered over her and the seats, luckily she had covered her eyes.

Then he started freeing the girl. "I got you, everything's going to be just fine." He said reassuringly as he laid her down on the ground, a few meters away from the car. At first, he secured her vital functions, then he did a quick neuro exam and checked for further injuries.

"Please don't let me die." She whispered, using her last strength to say these words.

"I don't let people die." Derek assured a young woman as he attends to help her although he wasn't sure what he can do if they needed surgery which isn't really possible in the situation they were in, he had no OR nor had he the resources needed. She seemed really scared which is completely normal after your car was sent flipping three times. She had blood on her forehead. "I'm Derek, I'm a surgeon. What's your name?" He asked.

The girl closed her eyes for a second before she answered that question.

"Alana." She finally answered.

"Good, your going to be okay." He assured her, trying to keep her positive. "That'd be nice." She smiled at him before he continued his primary survey on her. "How's it looking?" She asked strained, as Derek told her he was going to gently palpate her abdomen to check for possible internal bleeding. But then his breath caught when he saw that there was a large piece of something embedded in her abdomen.

"Everything's fine, don't worry." Derek said, his voice shaking a bit. They were down some rural road with now damn access for medical help nor the resources. He knew he had to freaking improvise something. He examined the abdominal wound but didn't extract the piece 'cause it could cause more serious injuries and he wanted to avoid that.

"Oh, my ..." He mumbled as he reached for his (luckily well-packed) first aid kit and searched for sterile gauze swabs to d

But before he got a chance to examine her further, he heard a small voice calling for help.

"Help." It seemed like it was another child, at the age of five or maybe six.

The girl heard it too.

"That's my little sister." She croaked, panic sounded in her voice. Derek was hovering over the injured girl and started doing a primary survey. "Are you feeling pain?" He asked. She shook her head. Derek knew adrenaline was a pretty powerful drug and knows that when it wears off, they'll see the full extent of the injuries.

Derek slowly stood up, looking for the little girl that had called for help.

She was walking around, probably had been able to free herself. He kneeled down in front of her went he saw her. She looked scared, tried to hide. But finally she seemed to trust him and when Derek told her to come with her, he needed to get her away from the wreckage, she reached for his hand.

She looked at him with big eyes, wide with fear and shock.

"Come." Derek smiled at her. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Winnie."

"It's all going to be okay ..."

"You don't know that." She answered and looked over to her sister.

Then Derek heard the other girl scream for him, causing him to look up and looking over to her. The little girl on his hand was frozen when she heard this. Of course this was dramatic for a little girl.

"Derek. I can't ... I can't feel my legs anymore." Panic sounded in her voice as she felt her legs going numb, losing sensation.

She guessed that this couldn't mean anything good so she called for Derek who seemed to be the only one knowing what to do. Now the girl was becoming nearly hysteric.

When Derek heard that, he immediately switched into neurosurgeon-mode and thought of everything what might have happened. "Don't move." Derek called back, knowing he had to go back and immediately immobilize the spine before doing anything else, before it was too late. "Don't move, I'll be right back." He looked around, for something with that he could improvise a neck splint.

_Oh, crap. Spinal injury._

Irony could be really horrible. If he had an OR and proper medical equipment and resources this wouldn't be a problem ...

But here's the thing, he had no operating room nor a CT to confirm the diagnosis ...

Derek, the little girl still held onto his hand, hurried back to where he left the older girl. Also, Nicky, the boy had made his way over to them. But it seemed like there was something wrong with his ankle. Maybe it was broken or something.

It was hot, the sun was shining. They needed water. Derek had the slightest "Don't move so fast." The little girl told him with a small voice.

"Where are we going?"

Derek glanced at her face. She didn't seem injured but as soon as he manages the spinal injury - situation he'll carry out a primary survey on the little girl, just to be sure that he wasn't missing something that could be fatal. But first he had to help sort this spinal thing out before continuing anything. The boy, who had seen that Derek held the girl o his hand, walked over and started looking after her.

"I can take her." He said. "I heard Jolie ... that she can't feel her legs - is that bad?" He asked, didn't really want to know the answer to that.

"Will it be permanent?" Nicky continued, embracing his little sister while he talked to Derek. "I ... I can't say anything before I haven't looked on the scans. There is no way of foreseeing if this damage will be permanent or if I'm able to decompress / treat whatever it causing this." He explained. Nicky sighed, glancing over to her.

"She just always took care of us, we need her to be okay. Can you do it here?"

Derek looked at him blankly.

* * *

"No. I need an OR for that. But what I can do is applying a neck splint to prevent movement that could cause further damage and it also would provide support between skull and shoulder bones and that's what I am going to do now. I just don't have an idea how ..." Derek trailed off, seeing something useful.

After he stabilized the girl's spine he moved onto the little girl to get her checked out.

But she seemed fine, he concluded, besides a small laceration on her arm. "You're good." Derek smiled warmly at the little girl, seeing that she was terrified by the events that happened only minutes before.

"What about our parents ..." The boy asked, scared of the answer. He had seen Derek checking the pulse and doing CPR but he didn't want to believe it. "I'm sorry. I did ..." Derek sighed. He hated this part of the job. "I did everything I could but their injuries were too severe. In a good equipped hospital, we could have saved them but here ..."

He looked around and resignedly shook his head.

The boy stared at him in shock, then he stammered, shaken up: "I need to be with my sisters." "You should watch her vitals. If there's anything abnormal, call me."

Derek looked at him, walking away. Suddenly, he felt the need to sit down, his legs just wouldn't carry him anymore. So he sat down, leaning against the cold hard metal and closed his eyes. He didn't know for how long he's been sitting there, doing nothing.

* * *

_"I actually felt the plane." Dr. Webber boasted, telling his story of how he witnessed a plane crashing, even if it was just a small plane. He, Maggie Pierce, April Kepner and Jo Wilson were there, in a viewing room as he tells his story._

_"I felt that plane before I saw it. Even small planes have that engine power you know the kind of that vibrates in your chest?" Dr. Webber gestured to his chest and the doctors around him were intensely listening to him telling his story. "Did you see that something was wrong?" Maggie asked him, wanting to know the details … "As soon as I looked up I immediately knew the descent was in trouble. The drag, that rusty angle before it went down. "I just couldn't believe it." He said._

_April watched him, turning around, away from the computer she had just worked on._

_"How close have you been again?" She asked interest._

_That's when Dr. Webber hurried to go after saying: "Uh, you know … I should … There are some patients in the pit I need to check on, that everything's running smoothly." Jo Wilson looked up when she heard him stammering. Then he left quickly and Alex Karev entered the viewing room. "I thought Torres was down here." "No, she is currently working in OR 6." April answered his question. "Hey, aren't you working with Arizona today? Is she doing okay?" Alex didn't really know what to answer. "Well, she keeps yelling at me and telling me to mind my own crap so I guess she's normal." Alex answered, looking at the images._

_"Does anyone know how Mer's doing?" Alex then asked concerned. Jo shook her head in reply as did April. Just Maggie looked confused when she heard them talking. "They had a bad experience on a plane a while ago." April Kepner finally explained when she noticed that no one attempted to say something._

_"Oh, yeah, I get that." Maggie replied._

_"I hate flying." When the cardiac surgeon said that, Jo looked at her interested. She knew about the plane crash, not the gory details but she knew what happened, mostly through Alex who had told her when they got together. "My flight from Boston was the worst. There was some technical problem with the plane …" She emphasized that._

_"And so they left us on the tarmac for four hours. They wouldn't let anyone off their seats or using the bathroom and they weren't serving water … and it was so hot, it smelled like boiled feet and then after four hours, they just cancelled the flight. They literally just kicked us off." Maggie told her story, and from the others faces, they think she's overdramatizing._

_Well, in comparison to what happened to Mer and Arizona and Derek and the others, it was._

_April shared a look with Alex. "There was no apology or anything …" Suddenly, she stopped, noticing that everything was staring at her awkwardly. Jo looked away. "What?" She asked then. "You tell her." Alex said to April. April sighed. "Okay, uh …" April stammered, turning to face Maggie. "Here we go." Maggie stared at her confusion. This just gets weirder and weirder._

_Maggie sat there, shocked after they told her._

_"Meredith's sister?" She got out in shock. She certainly hadn't expected that they have been in a plane that crashed and that Meredith lost her sister then. "Yeah." Alex confirmed, just a simple yeah. "And that's how Arizona lost her leg. I never wanted to ask …" She concluded, still feeling overwhelmed by all the facts. "Callie had to amputate." April interjected. Alex looked at her for a moment, feeling the urge to say something. "She would have died if her leg hadn't come off. It would have killed her." Alex explained._

_"Oh my god." Maggie repeated, shocked. Nervously. She scratched her neck, then looked away awkwardly._

_"Oh my god." She repeated for another time._

_Then her pager beeped, interrupting the moment. One time, and then a second time._

_She looked at her phone and then she quickly left the room. Then, as she entered the operating room, shesaw that Bailey had opened the patient's chest via sternotomy. "I'm opening the pericardium." She said as the monitor started beeping frantically. "Suction." There was just so much blood and Maggie quickly joined them to help them with their patient._

* * *

"They were able to trace his car, his and another one but they only found two cars without the passengers … One flipped over and completely destroyed and the other one crashed against a rock. But they didn't find the people." Meredith answered, her voice nearly breaking. At first, Amelia#s brain didn't quite realize what Meredith had said about Derek and his car and that the police have traced it ...

Amelia just stared at her in pure shock, she needed time to process, to let the news sink it.

Meredith turned around and grimaced faintly before going her way. Amelia glanced at her worried. Even though she had told Meredith to back the hell off she still wanted to make sure Meredith was okay.

"Don't feel so well. Like said before, Derek's gone missing. And I …" Meredith didn't end the sentence, instead she paled and ran for the bathroom.

"Meredith?" Amelia followed her. She was worried about her brother too. Meredith suddenly felt the need to throw up. She couldn't take it anymore, she felt bile rising up her throat and made a dash for the bathroom just in time. She began throwing up, Amelia appeared in the doorway. Without being asked, she entered the room and held Meredith's hair back.

All her strong and overwhelming emotions were taking its toll on her. "Are you okay?" Amelia asked as Meredith stood up, she flushed the toilet before walking over to sink to wash her face and rinse her mouth.

"Yeah, fine. Probably just the stress and all, you know with Derek missing." Meredith avoided Amelia's question. Amelia looked away, remembering what she said about her not knowing what it's like to lose the love of her life. She could tell that she was thinking this, that she has lost Derek. But right now, in this moment, she thinks, she's been wrong.

If the police haven't found him, just his car, how are the odds of him still being alive? She had no idea.

"Can we go back to the hospital?" Meredith asked, nervously. She didn't want to be here. Not without Derek, at least. She wanted Derek. "Can we go back to the hospital? I can't be here, sitting and waiting for a miracle that's probably not going to happen."

Meredith wasn't very optimistic about this whole thing. _I just feel like I am losing you again. I just got you back and ..._

She had been right about it. She shouldn't have let him leave.

Her feeling had been right.

Amelia sighed. She glanced at Meredith's pale complexion. She knew Meredith probably didn't want to hear it (which wa sunderstandable but still) but Amelia said it anyway, showing concern for her. "Maybe you should get checked out, Meredith." She suggested then, worry evident in her voice. Not only for Derek but also for her. But Meredith only shook her head in reply.

She was being ridiculous, she wasn't sick, she was just fine.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine ... just fine. There's no need for me to get checked out, not with Derek being MIA."

Amelia just huffed in reply and cut her off in a sharp but caring voice: "You've been throwing up. Still wanting to tell me you're fine even if you're not? 'cause that is definitely not normal. You really want me to believe that you're fine?" She paused. "Well, I don't."

Meredith never even replied. She just looked away, having flashbacks to her and Derek talking about how it had been gone with the sleeping when on side's of the bed is empty ...

* * *

_Meredith and Derek were lying in bed, face to face, snuggled into the cushions. "So tell me how you've been while I was in D.C." Derek asked her. Meredith recalled the loneliness that came along with Derek being in D.C., the sleeping alone. That was hard.  
_

_"I would face-time Cristina, just prop her up where your head is now and sometimes she was in surgery and I just would watch her operate until I drifted off." Meredith told him. "I brought the kids to the bed for a while so we could all sleep together, I printed a tumor and I slept with that for a little bit." She knew it sounded a bit odd and maybe funny but Derek just chuckled in reply. She did too. They both did._

_It was good, just them together ... lying in their bed, laughing and just being together.  
_

_"It's just weird the pillow has been empty for such a long time …" She said, looking back to her days without McDreamy._

_"I know I know." Derek answered._

_"But not anymore." On both Meredith's and his face a smile, a real, smile appeared. "I know, I just wish you didn't have to go back at all. I wish you could just stay right here, right now." "That's my last trip and then I'll be back for good. I promise." Derek ended, he was looking at his gorgeous wife. "I know." Meredith replied. "But that doesn't keep me from wishing that you could just stay here and not need to go back …"_

_After a few seconds, Derek said: "I missed you, you know. I missed us." He confessed in quiet voice._

_"I have too." Meredith glanced at him._

_She smiled and he just kissed her. They were both glad that Derek was coming home and that their lives could went back to normalcy after he resigns. But first he has to get to Washington D.C. to attend to that meeting before he was actually free ... But not right now, now he was here with Meredith and there was no place where he'd rather be right now besides with his family.  
_

* * *

"I just hope you don't expect me to believe that. 'cause it's kinda obvious you're not okay. Derek's missing and you tell me you're okay? You are not fine I can tell that by the look on your face. So don't you dare telling me you're fine." Amelia finished her lecture. "I am just concerned."

Meredith took a deep breath before turning to Amelia. Then she continued, now with a very slight hint of annoyance: "I'm fine, really, it's probably just the stress. However, Derek's the one who's gone MIA. You should worry about your brother and not his wife who you've been telling to back off." Meredith knew that that were the wrong words to say, Amelia just wanted to help but the words just escaped before she had the chance to react.

"Meredith, I …" Amelia started, taken by surprise. She hadn't thought that her sister in law would bring that up now.

"I'm … I'm sorry for saying that, I know you just want to help and all and I appreciate it but could we please just go back the hospital?!" Meredith said, she wanted to get away from this place, her memories of her and Derek's life were haunting here. They were all over the house. Amelia frowned. "I could call in for the both of us, I don't think they will mind, I know they know about Derek and that he's missing? I guess, they would give us time off." "I'm on the board, I can take time off if I have a reasonable reason. I can, but I don't want to." Meredith stared at Amelia, winning in the down-staring contest.

"Fine, we're going." Amelia said, resigned. She couldn't help but think the worst is yet to come. Meredith just went to the front door, grabbing a coat and was about to grab her keys and storm off to her car when Amelia called out In fear, stopping her. That was causing Meredith to jerk around and in response the keys she had in her hand clattered to the ground. She tried to grab them but Amelia insisted that she should give her the keys and she's supposed to let her drive.

"Fine, but I drive the car." Amelia's voice shook but she stayed hard.

"What no, I'm, driving." Meredith objected.

"I'm totally capable of …" The neurosurgeon nodded. "I know but right now you're scared out of your mind and no sane person would let you drive in that state. Derek would kill me if I let you drive in the state you are in." Meredith did budge in the end, she knew Amelia was right. "Mer, I know that you are scared, I am too … but you gotta pull yourself together." Meredith attempted to protest but instead she suddenly lost balance and stumbled against the wall, with Amelia eyeing her suspiciously.

"Okay, really now? Meredith, first the throwing up and now the loss of balance? D0 you really think that you're okay? I mean are you?" She asked with genuine concern evident in her voice. "'cause honestly, you don't look all too good, you look sick if I'm being honest. Not in a 'I don't know where he is' – kind of way."

Meredith steadied herself, shooting Amelia a glare and then replied with: "How would you feel and look like if your husband's maybe dead or gravely injured? I've almost lost him more times than I can count Amelia, what if I lose him for real this time? As in him being dead, never coming back to life. Wouldn't that freak you out too? You would understand wouldn't you, you said it yourself." Meredith sounded terrified, scared and shaken.

_Their worst nightmare has become harsh reality._

"Yeah, I would And I have." She said after a quick pause, reminding herself why they were in the hallway discussing who drives the car.

_Derek is why._

_Derek's always the reason when it comes to that._

_He always is._

"I'll drive." Meredith followed her sister in law with no resistance.

In the hospital: "What are you doing here?" Dr. Bailey asked, eyeing Meredith suspicously. Both of them knew that she had no business being here. "She's freaking out." Amelia stated. "I mean we both are but ..." She didn't end the sentence.

Before she knew what she was doing, she ended up starting to cry.

She didn't want to but she had no control over things.

* * *

"Doc, you need to come, here's something wrong." The boy called out, worriedly as the girl seemed to experience a bit of difficulty to breathe. Derek listened to her breathing. Dyspnea. Weak pulse. Cold extremeties due to hypotension. He wasn't 100% sure but he thought it could be a cardiac tamponade.

The girl never even react, she was close to losing consciousness completely. After he had ripped her shirt apart, exposing her chest and gasped loudly when he saw the girl's chest. After he ripped open her shirt, it was revealed there's something really wrong with his chest. It was bruised, heavily bruised.

"Oh, my god." Derek called out in shock and fear. For a moment, he closed his eyes before he got back to doctor mode. He needed to relieve the pressure before she goes into cardiac arrest. Immediately, his mind went back to the plane crash. Mark, his brother, looked the same way when he was throwing a cardiac tamponade. "Damn, I have to do a pericardiocentesis to drain the pericardial sac to relieve the pressure., I think her pericardium is about to burst." He cursed loudly.

"I have to relieve the pressure before she goes into cardiac arrest. I need to ... okay, that#s going to work." He said to himself. Derek finds a tube in bottle from the suitcase.

"You have to do what?" The boy asked, scared, his eyes went wide as he heard the word percardiocentesis and cardiac arrest, knowing this couldn't mean anything good. "Just don't let her watch. It's going to be a painful and brutal procedure to watch. Don't let her watch this." Derek warned.

He motioned to the little girl, looking, watching, she seemed to be lost in thoughts.

He disinfected it with a spray. Then he took out a scapel but before he could make the first cut he was interrupted by someone calling out: "What are you doing?" "Trying to save her life. Emergency subxiphoid percutaneous drainage. I need to ..." Derek answered, not caring about the shocked appearance of the boy.

"Okay Derek, you can do this. Just don't puncture the heart ..."

This time, it wasn't Meredith who was doing this, it was him. And he was the only one able to.

He needed to focus on his patient. Then he inserted the needle. He had to go in blind, without the help of an ultrasound. That's when the girl groaned in pain as she felt the *needle* entering her chest, Derek is inserting the *needle* at an angle of 30-45° to the skin, near the left xiphocostal angle, aiming towards the left shoulder. He approached it subxiphoid extrapleural; hence, it is the safest for blind pericardiocentesis.

Then there was blood spluttering out of the other end of the tube. "Ah, we got it. Everything's going to be fine."

"Hey you." Derek got up as fast as he was able to. But the boy didn't hear him. He would have to be in shock or something, otherwise he wouldn't be doing this. He would see that this car would explode in the next few seconds.

Then the car exploded as Derek and the boy he helping were trying to get away … Then everything happened in slow motion. Derek's eyes went wide with fear as he realized what was happening. "Come we have to get away before this thing blows." Derek called out, trying not to panic. This was turning into a disaster, this was turning into a total disaster.

This wasn't how he had it planned out.

He wanted to be with Meredith, he had promised her he would be back and he wasn't thinking about breaking that promise.

"Move." He said to the boy, who had trouble keeping up his pace. But they had no time. Any time this car could blow up. But the blast was faster than the both of them. The blast was much faster before Derek could react or do anything at all.

If he had been alone, he could have made it but here, in this situation he didn't stand a single chance. And he didn't want to leave the boy alone ...

He was helpless when the blast hit them full force.

He felt the heat of the flames as the car blows. Then he went down on the asphalt, hitting his head in the process. Pain was ripping through him, Derek tried to open his eyes. Feeling the need to see where he was and how he can escape from this situation. He couldn't say if it was his chest or head or any other body part. He smelled the fire and smoke. It caused him to cough suppressed.

He knew he needed to get away from here. Suddenly, he felt the boy hovering above him. He felt his presence, then a soft nudge on his shoulder coming from the by. "Doc." He asked, fearing that he could be unconscious or semi-unconscious. Slowly, he sat up, trying to get his orientation back. He squinted to see through the smoke, wanting to see how far it was to his car. Derek knew he needed to get away from here if he wanted to get out of this alive. And he needed to get out of this alive. For Meredith, for his kids. He and her just talked about getting pregnant again.

He needs to stay alive for Meredith.

He didn't know how he and the boy made it to the others, he had no idea.

"You have to go for help. We're going to die out here." The girl screamed out with a hoarse voice, her chest rising and falling with every breath she took, nearly hysteric. She already suffered from a pericardial tamponade that Derek successfully drained and probably more injuries under the surface.

Derek assumed that she had some broken ribs. "We're … we're going to die out here without help." Derek knew she was right, although he was the one who has to stay optimistic in this situation.

"But this road, it can take days for another car to come … This road is like the end of the world. You need to call for help." The girl started begging now. Derek slowly stood up as a wave of dizziness swept over him and he tried to compose himself. He couldn't afford to collapse now, now wasn't the time. "You ..." Derek's lungs rattled when he spoke. "You need to lay still and not move."

"But we're going to die out here." The girl objected. "Nobody's going to die." Derek insisted, he was keeping the faith. Although he knew he was losing strength. "Wha ... What about your phone, doesn't you have a phone?"

"Yeah, but there's no ... it's not charged."

Then, after a while, he was giving in. "I'll go. See if I can get help."

"But you need to hurry."

"Don't you think I know that?" Derek closed his eyes for a second as he felt another wave of dizziness hitting him. It's been getting worse. He knew this wasn't a very thoughtful decision but it isn't just him here. There are three other people relying on him.

Then he made his way to get help. "If they come, can you inform them that I went for help and if they don't find, they should send Search and Rescue." Derek turned around, walking.

* * *

**Five Hours Later:** Then the rescuers came, with screeching brakes and blinking lights. They saw two cars. But there were no persons that were injured or any persons at all. One of the paramedics turned to his colleague: "Am I the only one that isn't seeing any patients, dead or alive or is it just me?" His colleague shrugged.

"Let's see what we have." They looked around, not looking very optimistic.

They just saw the two cars, one that was crashed against some rocks, probably it came off roads and then hit the rocks while the other car was lying there, face down or better was completely destroyed. "Paramedics here." His older colleague shouted as he put one of the rescue bags on his back and motioned his younger colleague to follow him.

They saw a boy with a head wound staggering around. Immediately, they were alarmed.

"There, we have found 'em." Someone called out, the boy looked up. Squinted his eyes to see details. His vision went blurry.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Dr. Bailey asked, eyeing Meredith suspiciously.

Both of them knew that she had no business being here. "Aren't you supposed to be home, supporting each other?" She asked, worry in her eyes. Dr. Bailey has been all the way there when it comes to Grey's and Shepherd's relationship. She had seen them falling apart over each other more than once. If Derek died, he'd leave a devastated Meredith. "She's freaking out." Amelia stated bluntly, once again not filtering.

"I mean we both are but ..." She didn't end the sentence.

"But she really is." Amelia concluded, obviously not sure of what to say. Meredith looked away.

"Is there anything I can do?" She then asked, not wanting to do the same things she could have done at home – sitting around and worry about Derek and his unknown whereabouts. She was going crazy if she would keep doing this.

"You aren't in any state to work or be in some OR, Meredith." Bailey frowned.

"But I'm going crazy if I'm just sitting here, doing nothing." Meredith looked at her. "There are charts to complete." "I'm not an intern anymore, Bailey. And you know that." "But your mind is occupied with other things. You're distracted, you have been distracted in that OR." Meredith sighed, looking aside. Her heart was beating hollowly in her chest.

"So now, you can the chief of this hospital and I still wouldn't let you operate in that state. It wouldn't do you anything good, nor does it the patient anything good." She explained softly, knowing Meredith knew she was right.

"I know. I know." She finally repeated, Bailey saw now tears in the younger woman's eyes.

"Hey." She softly said. "He is going to turn up, Meredith."

"You don't know that."

"But I know that he loves you as much as a fool he can be sometimes, he still loves you. I'm sure everything's going to be okay." Bailey assured her, even if she didn't know for sure.

Silence.

Then: "They've found his car and two others on a rural road. Why was he driving on a deserted road, I don't get it." Meredith sounded despaired. "He said he was driving a shortcut to the airport." Bailey suddenly remembered her surgery with Amelia and Derek on speaker phone.

"Yeah." Amelia nodded lost in thoughts. "Oh, crap. I need to call my mother. She'd want to know."

With that, Amelia veered away from Meredith and Dr. Bailey. She reached for her cell phone. Both Meredith and Bailey just heard pieces and words from their conversation. After five minutes, Amelia was back. "She's getting on next flight out." Amelia told them. "She already was concerned when she saw I was the one calling ..."

Then she noticed Bailey and Meredith were staring at her in utter confusion, not quite knowing what she meant.

"I never call." She shrugged.

Meredith nodded knowingly, she knew her sister-in-law wasn't very different from her in many things.

"Let me guess: you avoid your mother as well? I did, too. But your mother, I don't know her that well, she seems warm and motherly, not like mine." Meredith said. "Yeah, she's a great mom, but ... I was the always Amelia, the screw-up. Because of the drugs ..."

Meredith shot Bailey a glance, stopping her from making any comment about Amelia's past and she didn't ask further questions.

Amelia was glad about that.

"The gallery's open, isn't it?" "Yeah." Bailey nodded. "You can watch, but not operate or do anything that has to do with patient care. Understood?" Meredith nodded. "I told ya she was freaking out." Amelia said in the background. Miranda Bailey shot her a glance, Meredith leaned against the nurses' station as another wave of dizziness was washing over her. She hoped Amelia and Bailey wouldn't notice her struggle.

But unfortunately for her, they did.

Immediately, they turned around, their conversation was forgotten. They stared at her, of course switching from worried-friend-mode into doctor mode. "Are you okay?" Amelia was the first one to react properly. Bailey frowned, scanning the general surgeon who looked unnaturally pale. "And she may need a consult." She added with a side-glance to Meredith. Amelia motioned to her sister in law, Bailey saw it too.

Bailey's brown furrowed as she looked at Amelia shortly, then back to Meredith. That what Amelia thought, caught Meredith's attention.

_A consult? I don't need someone to consult on me. _

_I need Derek to be here with me, nothing else._

"Why would she need a consult? Last time I have seen her she seemed okay, at least medically and not emotionally speaking." Meredith cut in: "Now that we have established that I'm emotionally not okay, can we move on?" She almost pleaded.

"So what is going on here?" Her eyes darted to Meredith who wished she'd disappear right now into the ground. "Thanks." She hissed, addressing Amelia who looked her into the eye, standing for her decision. "I just want to help you." She mouthed. "Well, stop." Meredith mouthed back.

She then looked back to Bailey: "I am fine. I don't need you to do a consult on me and since I'm not your intern anymore that you can boss around so you can't exactly make me do this." Meredith countered.

"You're right. I can't but what I can do is trying to convince you to let me do it anyway. And you got one thing wrong."

"What?" Meredith was confused, tired and stressed out and was barely able to think clearly.

"But you will always be one of my interns, Grey. You being an attending do not change anything about that. Also, I saved your ass more than just once."

Meredith rolled her eyes. How could she have forgotten?

Of course she hasn't. Why is she bringing this up now?

"Oh, thanks for reminding me, Bailey. Really helps the situation. Derek's missing, he is out there and most likely he is hurt. So me being a little sick is very minor in comparison to Derek being MIA and maybe critically injured with no decent medical help available while we are standing here talking about me and my imaginary illness." Meredith ended.

"Now spill, what makes her think I need to do a consult on you, Grey?" She asked, using the Bailey-technique to stare her down. Meredith looked away. She didn't need a consult, she was fine, medically speaking.

Dr. Bailey looked at Meredith, waiting for her to answer, but when she didn't Amelia spoke up, ending the drama: "She's been throwing up. She says it's stress-related, hence the Derek-situation but somehow, I don't believe her. Also, she might have said that she's fine." Amelia made it clear that she didn't believe that.

"Because I am fine."

"Okay Grey, you better hope you are right for your sake. Because I trust you as a doctor, we won't do a consult now but if it gets worse, come get me and we'll do one." Bailey made her promise. Meredith nodded in reply, glad that they have given in. She knows what she has to do. Her mind went back to her and Derek's recent baby conversation. Maybe she was …

After Meredith disappeared, Bailey turned to Amelia.

"But you keep an eye on her?"

Amelia nodded, she hadn't had anything other in mind.

"Good."

Amelia tried to follow her sister-in-law but she disappeared and was nowhere to be found.

* * *

_"__Your never gonna make your flight." Amelia told him over the phone with her hands in someone's brains while being on the speaker phone with Derek who was currently on his way to the airport. Dr. Bailey was in the operating room with her, watching and assisting her performing brain surgery on a patient with an aneurysm. They were performing a basilar aneurysm clipping. _

_"No, I'll make it." Derek's voice answered, driving sounds could be heard on the other end of the line. _

_A nurse held the phone near her ear while she was operating and both talking. She exchanged a glance with Bailey who immediately interjected: "You won't. You are gonna miss your flight." That was Bailey who spoke up after Derek protested that he'll make it in time even though he won't. He'll never make it to the airport, he just doesn't know it yet. _

_Derek was driving on some deserted road near the end of the fricking world and has almost reached end of reception. _

_On the left and right of the road, there are bushes and sand. Nothing more. "And who is that? Amy, is that Bailey on the phone?" He asked over the hands-free speaking system so that he can have both hands on the wheel while driving. It's just safer that way."Yep, you're on speaker phone, Derek."  
_

_"And I'm not going to miss my flight." Derek said, he was sure about that. "I have a secret shortcut." He reasoned. "I'm going to lo lose you here in a second." Amelia Shepherd and Miranda Bailey responded in synchrony: "There are no shortcuts to the airport. _

_Meanwhile, Derek noticed that he was going to lose reception soon. _

_"__Cell phone reception is bad." He said, the line crackles and Derek could hear their reply on faintly. The signaling signal weakened with every meter he drove. "Derek, are you still there?" Amelia called out, fearing that they just got out of range of reception. "I can't hear you." She added. Apparently, Derek did hear her and answered with a louder voice: "I said I am going to lose cell phone reception. It's bad here …" Derek explained over the phone, knowing that Amy probably only heard bits and pieces._

_ After he got no answer from his sister, he asked: "Amy … still there?" Amelia heard him but not really. "Derek?" She repeated her brother's name. "Amy?" It was Derek again who called his sister's name. _

_"__Amy, are you there?" Derek's voice was only faintly to be heard._

_ The line crackled and then free – line signal. Derek has lost reception now, she concluded, that must be on lonely, deserted road. _

_"Lost him." Amelia said to the nurse as there wasn't coming something from the other line._

_Derek was driving his car in a normal tempo, almost within range of the tempo limit. Suddenly, there was this other car behind him. It was speeding, way more than it was allowed on this road. Derek looked in the rearview mirror, seeing that the car was right behind him. Derek sighed. He was sure that the car driver of the car behind him was preparing to overhaul his car to get a speeding ticket. Too bad that here are no red-light-cameras … _

_Then it switched to the other lane and drove away, speeding. Derek could hear the other car's engine. _

_"__I'm doing more than ten miles over the speed limit … That's not fast enough for you?" He asked irritated by the other driver's arrogance. He was rolling his eyes as he watched the car drive away, of course he was sarcastically speaking._

_ He sighed as he watched the car disappear out of his view. Then he turned up the radio. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Derek noticed there was another car driving ahead of the crazy driver. _

_He was trying to overtake that car too – just as he did with Derek. _

_But apparently, Derek had been lucky than the other car. Derek shook his head in disapproval and confusion. _

_Why was the driver speeding like this?! Somehow, he feared that this would result in a catastrophe. Then the black car fastened its tempo and in the process the car it hit the white van on the side. There was a loud bang and he heard some tires blow, then the force of the impact sending both of cars, the black one and the white one, flying into the air. Derek was shocked when she saw the whole thing. Immediately, he stomped onto the brakes harshly. "Come on, come on, brake, damn it." He cursed his car. _

_It wasn't fast enough coming to a hold. His breath hitched as he looked out of the windshield._

_Both cars were in the air, flying. Both would be crashing down in a few seconds and if he wasn't able to stop his car in time, they would crash down on him, killing him most likely instantly. That was the harsh reality. Then it happened: both cars went down, now everything happened in slow motion. In the next second, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop before it happens so he swerved to the left, hitting some rocks, and then in the next second he was hitting the steering wheel on impact …_

_For a moment, he was just lying there, recuperating from his shock and waiting for the world to stop spinning around him. When he was sure that he could feel his legs and all and the light-headedness disappeared, he slowly sat up. Then the next boom, his chest jerked up when he felt the impact both cars had. The ground was literally vibrating under his feet._

_He breathed in shock, then the cars hit the ground resulting in a deafening noise. For a moment, Derek couldn't see where he was because of the dirt that got catapulted into the air, blocking his windshield and preventing him from seeing what was happening around him. He could hear something screeching._

_He got out of the car to help the other injured people in th other vehicles. First the van, he thought and made his way over to the van. "Help." the passengers in the car called out. "I'll be back, I promise." Derek told them as he looked through the windows, trying to estimate the damage that's been done."I'm coming back and I'm going to get you out."_

_"Please hurry." The woman said faintly._

* * *

_"__Charly?" A woman asked as Derek had helped out the driver of the car that had caused the accident._

_ "Why isn't he moving?" She asked with fear in her voice. "I need to find a first aid kit." Derek only said in reply. He wasn't very fond of him because he was the reason this had happened but he was a doctor, so no judgment coming from him. So he was just opening the luggage trunk of the car, seeing if he could find it._

_ "You've got to be kidding me." He mumbled, only to be interrupted by a hysteric call coming from girl: "The car's on fire." _

_Derek looked up in shock. Suddenly, he felt a slight amount of pain coming from his chest but he just shook it off. The car was on fire. He turned around, instantly shouting over to the woman and her injured boyfriend: "Hey." He started running over to the car as fast as he could. "Alana, run." He shouted. He knew it would explode in the next few seconds. "But what about Charly?" She almost cried._

_ "Go wait by the car." Derek ordered as he attended to Charly. Then he was helping him up. They needed to get away from here. _

_"Come on, Charly you gotta get up, come on." Derek repeated urgently._

_ "Get up, come on, come on."_

* * *

Meredith stared at the pregnancy test in her hands. It was as if the stick was mocking her. Why now? She was pregnant. Derek was in a freaking accident and they were getting another child. This was seriously fucked up. The universe was seriously fucked up, so much was clear. The result of the pregnancy test was positive. Positive. They were getting another baby. They were getting a real baby, as in one that screams when it's hungry and demands to be fed. Derek and Meredith are going to be parents again. Then they would have three children, and their work. If he was alive … if not, she doesn't know what to do. Without him.

_I can live without you._

_But I don't ever want to._

If he was dead, she would be forced to live without him for the rest of her life. Their unborn child would never meet his or her daddy. Meredith swallowed hardly. This wasn't supposed to be this way. Derek was supposed to be with her, sharing this unforgettable moment.

They were supposed to be living this moment, remembering it.

To tell their kids that there will be another sibling … that is, when the baby survives.

But instead, she was alone and fearing for Derek's life. He might be dead.

After all, this is Grey Sloan Memorial, soon to be Gravestone Memorial Hospital if he was actually dead. But he can't be, right? He's McDreamy and you don't kill a dream.

But she can't be sure at all, life's been throwing all this crap at her, why not also that? When she was finally happy, Derek was back from Washington D.C. and they just got happy again. It can't be gone.

Meredith suppressed a cry. She wanted Derek. But he wasn't here. He wanted a third child. He _wants_ a third child, she told herself. He is still alive. She's keeping the faith. Derek is resilient, he survived a shooting, a plane crash … There's no actual way that he's dead, he just can't be.

* * *

_When Amelia left the kitchen Meredith turned to Derek, making a face: "So your sister and Owen? Really?" _

_Meredith asked and looked at her husband. "Yeah, she told me last night." Derek explained while putting on his coat. Meredith frowned when she heard that. "You knew that your sister's doing Owen and you didn't tell me?" Meredith inquired him, eyeing him. Why did he hide that information from her? _

_"I was supposed to tell you that?" He asked dumbfounded, not daring to look Meredith in the eye. "Yes." She replied, her eyes sparkling._

_"I don't remember where I put my phone and now have to remember someone else's sex life?" He answered back flabbergasted. "Oh, I gotta go ..." But instead, Meredith came nearer to his body, Derek asking: "Oh you wanna go again? Huh?" _

_Meredith didn't answer, in that moment she pulled Derek's lost phone from his pocket. She chuckled as she held it up._

_"Oh. Hey, that's my phone." Derek replied and he and Meredith kissed._

_Then they parted and Meredith said: "You know, I wish you could stay or I could come with you or something." Derek already opened the door._

_"I'll be back soon and you know that." Derek assured her. "I know, I know." Meredith followed him to the door. "I just feel like I just got you back and now you have to go and I have to stay here …" Meredith rambled a bit._

_"I'll be home before you know it, Mer." Derek smiled his McDreamy smile._

_Then they kissed - for real kissed._

_„__This is my last trip and then I'll be back for good." Derek said, smiling at her. Meredith smiled at him, the thought of Derek being back for good was amazing. "I love you, you know that, right?" Meredith looked at him as he came nearer and nearer and finally their lips met – they kissed, as in really must part ways with her now though. There's the little matter of resigning from a presidential post in DC. _

_"I just feel like I'm losing you again after I just got you back." Meredith told him her thoughts. _

_Derek replied: "You won't lose me, you won't ever lose me ..." Meredith smiled at him. Then Derek said smiling: "Wait right here. Wait for me. Stay here." It were the exact words he was saying before he went to break up with Rose, after she built the house of candles where their real house is now ... _

_Meredith smiled as she watched Derek leave, already thinking about when he comes back to her …_

_She never thought it would turn out like this …_

* * *

Derek was walking down the road the way he had come from. It was hot and that didn't do his circulatory system any good. He feared he'd collapse any minute. It looked like he wasn't as unharmed as he first anticipated. This was bad, suddenly he felt like he just couldn't breathe anymore, that his heart was beating out of his chest erratically. Now he was sure that he was having arrhythmias. Somehow he had no idea where he was, has lost orientation …

He was somewhere without reception so much was clear but his mind went foggy. He could barely make out the way.

He knew that this was bad, really bad. Derek was aware that he needed medical attention, professional medical attention sooner rather than later. He tried to think of Meredith, her smile was what was keeping him going.

_Meredith. He wanted to be with her, right now, lying in their bed and talking with her about future children._

Derek could make out a rock near the deserted road and saw the possibility of a pause.

One that he dearly needed.

He stumbled toward it, blindly. Then he lost hold and stumbled over something, a branch or something. He didn't exactly know what it was. He slowly lost was balance and tried to regain it back but failed. The world started spinning around him, he wouldn't get air into his lungs and suddenly he finds himself falling.

He was hitting his head on something hard in the process.

He felt the cooling surface of the rock with his hands, he slid down, his back pressed against it. He was barely able to keep his eyes open. Suddenly, his breathing shallowed out and he knew that he was going to lose consciousness, with no one there to protect his airway. He was alone.

A few seconds later, everything went black ...

**Five Hours Later:** Then the rescuers came, with screeching brakes and blinking lights. They saw two cars. But there were no persons that were injured or any persons at all. One of the paramedics turned to his colleague: "Am I the only one that isn't seeing any patients, dead or alive or is it just me?" His colleague shrugged.

"Let's see what we have." They looked around, not looking very optimistic.

They just saw the two cars, one that was crashed against some rocks, probably it came off roads and then hit the rocks while the other car was lying there, face down or better was completely destroyed. "Paramedics here." His older colleague shouted as he put one of the rescue bags on his back and motioned his younger colleague to follow him.

They saw a boy with a head wound staggering around. Immediately, they were alarmed.

"There, we have found 'em." Someone called out, the boy looked up. Squinted his eyes to see details. His vision went was feeling dizzy, apparently the doctor had been right, he probably has a concussion. After the emergency physician finished assessing everyone's state, they started prepping them for transport.

But then he thought of something else-

the man who had helped them to get out of the drestroyed car.

„Hey, I need to talk to you. It's important, it concerns someone who was almost in the crash, he is the one who helped us, he got us out of that car wreck before it exploded. It has been hours …. He went for help, I think he's injured too although he never showed any signs of pain or discomfort." „What are you saying exactly?" The paramedic asked, „We need to get you to a hospital." „Yeah, that can wait."

"No, it can't. You have ..."

"I know what I have." The boy cut him off, fearing that it will be too late for Derek if he doesn't do anything.

_It's a beautiful day to save lives."_

„Wait, there's was a man helping us, he's a doctor, he's saved us all, my sister she's had a serious cardiac complication and the doc saved her. You need to send Search and Rescue to find him. He's a good man, he's has saved us all." The boy rambled. „We need to get you to the clinic you've got a pretty serious looking head laceration." The paramedic said as he glanced at the boy's forehead.

„I'm fine, just a little concussion." „We might wanna get a CT to rule out any bleeders."

The paramedic suggested before he pushed the gurney into the ambulance. His sister and the younger girl were already on their way to the clinic, to Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital where they will be treated. „You need to find him, I think he went for help. Help for us, to get us help and we haven't heard from him in five hours. I'm fearing that something might have happened to him. Please send Search and Rescue." The paramedic stared at him, then he took out his radio equipment to phone Search and Rescue

. „Yeah, we've got one missing person- we need a team on highway …"

The boy breathed in heavily. Finally, they were getting help for the doc who has saved his family and all.

* * *

"Dr. Grey." Someone addressed her. "Yeah?" Meredith responded, not really in the mood to talk. "There is someone who wants to talk to you."

"Where is this someone?" Meredith responded, her mind going back to Derek. "Over there." When Meredith followed her gaze, she saw a policeman waiting there, looking as if he was carrying bad news. Meredith's heart stopped for a millisecond. "You want to talk to me?" Meredith said, knowing that it had to be bad news considering the guy's face expression. "You are Dr. Derek Shepherd's wife, aren't you?" The man asked her.

"That's me, yes." Meredith frowned, worried.

"We came here to inform his next of kin about him being found." "Is he okay?" Meredith demanded to know. "I want to know if he's okay."

"There's been an accident." Meredith stared at the officer with an open mouth. Her eyes were wide with fear as she heard these words. Derek's been in an accident. A potentially deadly accident, suddenly she felt like she just couldn't breathe anymore.

"Oh my …" She said, stumbling backwards.

"Are … you okay?" The officer asked awkwardly.

"You just told me that Derek was in a potentially deadly accident and ask me if I'm okay?" Meredith breathed heavily, leaning against the nurses' station for support. Her balance was still off. "So, no, I am not okay. I'm obviously not okay?" Out of sudden, Bailey, Dr. Webber and Dr. Owen Hunt joined the conversation, noticing that Meredith was extremely shaken up by the latest events.

"Are there any news?" Owen directed his question to the officer.

He nodded.

"I just received word from Search and Rescue that he's been found unconscious, lying near the road. Apparently he went for help but ..."

"… was injured and didn't know or was too proud to admit that he needed medical attention as well." Someone spoke. "Who are you?" The police officer asked, frowning as he glanced at Amelia. "She's his sister." Owen spoke up. Amelia shot him a thankful glance, he nodded almost invisibly.

"There's been an accident." He repeated the exact words he had told Meredith. Amelia just stared at him in shock, then her eyes darted to Owen. He instantly came nearer and finally embraced her in a soothing hug. "It'll be alright." He murmured softly, pressing a kiss on her hair. Meredith looked away.

She wanted Derek to be okay. He needed to be okay.

"They are airlifting him now."

Meredith heard it all.

_Derek. Car accident. Injured. Airlifting him now. _

She was standing there, working on controlling her breathing for the baby's sake. She remembered all too good what it was like to miscarry and she didn't want it to happen to this baby too. Their baby. Hers and Derek's. He never knew about it. The baby was the reason. This was the reason for him to hold on. To get through this. "They are airlifting him?" Meredith asked in shocked, with fear in her voice.

She knew that that meant that Derek was bad off. "They don't airlift patients unless it's very bad or urgent or if there is no other way … oh my god, there's a real possibility that he dies and I won't even get the chance to tell him …" She didn't end it, not now.

"Okay, Grey. Stop right there. We don't have the specifics yet, we don't know how bad it is until they get here."

"…But I should prepare myself for the worst." Meredith finished Bailey's sentence for her. "Bailey's right, Grey. You should listen to her." Owen told her. "Yeah." Was Bailey's simple reply which made Meredith feel more and more uneasy- Her heart was beating erratically in her chest.

She had no idea how she did it – this, everything right here. She feels as if her whole life is falling apart on by one. Dr. Webber had paged every available attending, they needed all hands on deck. Then, by now all the heads of every department were standing there, assembled. The surgeons have been paged with a 911.

"Chief, why are we here?" Arizona Robbins asked, speaking up.

"Do we have incoming or some natural disaster?" April asked, just being curious.

Then Arizona noticed Meredith standing there, with tears in her eyes, looking as if she didn't know whether she wanted to cry or break down and Amelia who was being comforted by Owen.

"Alright, people, listen up." Dr. Webber raised his voice. Even though he wasn't chief anymore, he still had the authority that's needed for that job. "We have got incoming. One of those patients is one of our own, just so you've been warned." Callie's and Arizona's eyes instantly darted over to Meredith.

"I expect you to do your very best work and please, put your emotions away, they cloud judgment and I need everyone to be on top of his game. Don't let emotions interfere with our work, with the important work we're doing here. We have at least three critically injured so get the trauma rooms and ORs staffed and prepped and ready to go, people. That's it, now go save lives." Then he called a few attending's to send them to the roof top where the helicopter is supposed to be landing in less than two minutes.

"They are airlifting him now." He said hectically.

"Who are they airlifting?" Callie urged, and Maggie looked at him, searching for a definite answer. But one glance to Meredith was enough to tell them who it was. "Derek." Meredith cut in, faintly. Everyone turned to her, it looked like she clearly hasn't taken the new very well. "ETA is in less than two minutes, now hurry." A group of doctors were running to get to the roof. Meredith just stood there, frozen. She couldn't believe it, this seemed so unreal.

"Derek." She said his name again.

"I need to be with him. He needs to feel my presence." Meredith breathed in and out, Amelia held her back. "You're just going to be in the way of his care. You don't want that, do you?" Meredith shook her head. "But he didn't know and he doesn't know now." "What?" Amelia asked confused she had no idea, what Meredith was talking about.

"I need him to know that I'll always love him, what if it's too late and I never got to tell him this?" Meredith was freaking out now.

* * *

"His pulse is up 194 and still going up, he's tachycardic. Damn it." One paramedic called out as they just went up.

Derek was drifting in and and out of conciousness at that point, vaguely he could make out the voices from around him. Everything was a blur.

He felt his racing and he knew he wouldn't stay awake for long.

They've been in the air for only ten minutes and they've got still twenty minutes to Grey Sloan Memorial then, his oxygen saturation dropped below eighty. "Pulse ox is dropping."

"Why does he keep going into arrhythmias?" He then asked himself after he has stabilized the patient as he continuously monitored his saturation, blood pressure (that was more on the low side than at a point where it could be considered as stable) and his other vital signs.

Then they were descending. Just then, he started going into v-fib again.

"He's in fib. Paddles."

After he pressed them onto the patient's chest, he yelled: "Clear."

The shrill beeping of the machines could be heard, also the roaring of the engines of the helicopter.

Derek's body jerked up and fell back on the gurney. The paramedic looked over to the cardiac monitor. After the second round, there was a reaction. His heart was coming back, they could hear the faint but regular beeping of the cardiac monitor. Derek Shepherd was going back into Sinusbrady. "We got him back." One paramedic said in relief.

Then he turned around, calling over to the pilot while the other paramedic was constantly checking his vital functions.

"How many minutes until we reach Grey Sloan? He's barely hanging on now. Is there any chance we could fast-track this?"

"We're two minutes out." He got the answer over the headphones.

After they got his rhythm back, they have almost reached Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, the trauma team already waiting for them on the helipad. "Get ready for landing." The pilot warned before starting to descend.

Dr. April Kepner waited along with Dr. Bailey and a few other surgeons for the landing of the helicopter that was bringing in Derek Shepherd, neurosurgeon at former Seattle Grace Mercy West, now Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. "Okay, they're landing. We need to as fast as effective."

"We're going to descent. Please fasten your seat belts." The drone of outside noise grew louder.

The MedEvac landed with rotating propellers on the helipad. Once the rotors were fairly stopping to rotate, a His injuries were severe. Dr. Hunt, Dr. Bailey and the other doctors ran quickly toward the Medevac. "What do we have?" Asked Dr. Miranda Bailey and glanced at the portable heart monitor monitor which recorded the heartbeat. "What do we have?" The first paramedic jumped out and pulled out the gurney.

With Derek lying on it.

"Dr. Shepherd, severe injuries resulting from car crash, suspected chest and abdominal injuries and a head lac. BP's tanking and low."

"Okay, you've heard it all people. He's in bad shape so let's move it." April has taken over commands.

_It's a beautiful day to save lives._

* * *

_/I know you're not dead. Know how I know? 'Cause I can feel your pulse, which means your heart is beating. Your heart is beating, which means you're not dead, okay? Hey. Eyes on me. You stay not dead, okay? It's a beautiful day to save lives, right? So you stay not dead./ _Winnie

* * *

_A/N: As for Derek's death, I am shocked, being McDevasted, I haven't seen this coming. Shonda actually killed McDreamy. Why? And why brain death? The neurosurgeon that suffered brain death, I mean that just sounds ironic. Poor Meredith and the kids, they will never meet their daddy. I see parallels between Derek's and Amy's childhood (although he wasn't killed by gun). In addition, I think the paramedics brought him to the wrong hospital. I mean there is a rule for multiple traumas such as Derek: **Get the right patient to the right hospital in the right time.** _

_That's what they say in medical books about surgery (that's where I read, at least and they didn't follow that rule.) They should have brought him to GSMH. I mean, they had the time, as he said himself, he was stable. In my mind, Derek's still alive and he and Mer are living happily ever after. But that's just my imagination - the reality is that he's dead. Unfortunately._

_Also, keep in mind that I'm not intend on letting him die in this story. MerDer deserves a happy ending. And they will get it._

_In this story, they will._

_PLEASE REVIEW!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

**When exposed to trauma, the body deploys its own defence system. From the first second the brain receives the signal that a catastrophe has happened, the blood rushes to the organs that need help the most. Blood floods into the muscles, the lungs, the heart, the brain. The brain makes a decision for the rest of the body. **

**Either face the danger or run away. It's a mechanism designed to protect the body from harm. From knowing that what has happened might be irreparable, we call it 'shock'. **

**When shock wears off, when the body can accept that a trauma has happened, when it can let down its defences, it's a scary moment. It's vulnerable. The shock response had protected us, and it just might have saved us.** Meredith Grey; Where Do We Go From Here

* * *

"His pulse is up 194 and still going up, he's tachycardic. Damn it." One paramedic called out as they just went up. There were airlifting him to Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, it was the nearest level I trauma center and they were properly equipped for cases like Derek. They were properly trained and had the resources to save even the severe cases …

Derek was drifting in and out of consciousness at that point, barely stable, vaguely he could make out the voices from around him. Everything was a blur. An oxygen mask was covering his mouth and nose, providing extra oxygen.

He felt his racing and he knew he wouldn't stay awake for long.

They've been in the air for only ten minutes and they've got still twenty minutes to Grey Sloan Memorial then, his oxygen saturation dropped below eighty. "Pulse ox is dropping. I'm starting to bag him. Get me an Ambu bag, I am going to ventilate him manually until they get ready for intubation." The paramedic grabbed the Ambu bag and started bagging him.

"Why does he keep going into arrhythmias?" He then asked himself after he has stabilized the patient as he continuously monitored his saturation, blood pressure (that was more on the low side than at a point where it could be considered as stable) and his other vital signs.

Then they were descending. Just then, he started going into v-fib again.

"He's in fib. Paddles."

After he pressed them onto the patient's chest, he yelled: "Clear."

The shrill beeping of the machines could be heard, also the roaring of the engines of the helicopter.

Derek's body jerked up and fell back on the gurney. The paramedic looked over to the cardiac monitor. After the second round, there was a reaction. His heart was coming back, they could hear the faint but regular beeping of the cardiac monitor. Derek Shepherd was going back into Sinusbrady. "We got him back." One paramedic said in relief.

Then he turned around, calling over to the pilot while the other paramedic was constantly checking his vital functions.

"How many minutes do we have to go until we reach Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital? He's barely hanging on now. Is there any chance we could fast-track this?" The paramedic asked, his eyes were on Derek's heart monitor to check for any rhythm disturbances. But for now, there weren't any. But since there was bruising on Derek's chest, he assumed there might be trauma to the chest.

"We're two minutes out." He got the answer over the headphones.

After they got his rhythm back, they have almost reached Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, the trauma team already waiting for them on the helipad. "Get ready for landing." The pilot warned before starting to descend.

Dr. April Kepner waited along with Dr. Bailey and a few other surgeons for the landing of the helicopter that was bringing in Derek Shepherd, neurosurgeon at former Seattle Grace Mercy West, now Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. "Okay, they're landing. We need to as fast as effective."

"We're going to descent. Please fasten your seat belts." The drone of outside noise grew louder.

The MedEvac landed with rotating propellers on the helipad. Once the rotors were fairly stopping to rotate, a His injuries were severe. Dr. Hunt, Dr. Bailey and the other doctors ran quickly toward the Medevac. "What do we have?" Dr. Miranda Bailey asked and glanced at the portable heart monitor which recorded the heartbeat. "What do we have?" The first paramedic jumped out and pulled out the gurney with Derek lying on it.

"Dr. Shepherd, severe injuries resulting from car crash, suspected chest and abdominal injuries and a head lac. BP's tanking and low." The paramedic told them in a hurry.

"Okay, you've heard it all people. He's in bad shape so let's move it." April has taken over commands.

"Let's get him in."

_It's a beautiful day to save lives._

After the Grey Sloan staff got him into the nearest trauma room, they quickly began assessing his state. "How come he isn't intubated?" First comes Airway Management with cervical spine protection, and they did stabilize Derek's spine at the crash site so they need to secure his airway.

"What is going on, I need to be with him." Someone entered the room, frantic. "You can't be here Meredith." Bailey tried to tell her. "He needs me to be here."

_That's right._

Derek was vaguely conscious, he heard the familiar voices around him, figures hovering over him-

"Mer …" He tried to get out, his voice barely audible.

* * *

_Meredith and Derek were both lying in their bed, wide awake. "You want to go again?" He asked, panting. Meredith and Derek both smiled 'cause it was so damn good. Then they heard cries coming from their son, Meredith and Derek turned their heads in direction of Bailey's room. "I guess not, Bailey's up." Meredith said as she hears the cries of her youngest child._

_"Oh." Derek said. "What if I cancel my flight …" Derek suggested, leaning towards Meredith, they were happy, they were a happy couple again ... "I could come to the hospital before I go to the airport and we could find an empty on-call room …" Derek smiled at her dreamingly. "I have work to do." Meredith replied smiling, not wanting to show him how much she actually liked that idea - even if it wasn't realizable. "Aw, you know as much as I like that idea, it's just not feasible, Derek. I have work to do at work and I can't do you too."_

_"Okay, then it's settled, let's could go again …"_

_He was ready to start, when Meredith loudly exclaimed: "No, you are terrible influence, absolutely not." With that she gets up, saying with determination in her voice: "We're getting up now." Derek looked at his absolutely hot wife. But Derek stayed in their bed, smiling to convince her to come join him … "I know." Meredith said smirking, eyeing that husband of hers._

_"Why don't you make yourself useful and go change Bailey's diaper." Meredith's eyes sparkled when said that. "Uh-" Derek sighed when Meredith threw a Bailey's baby-phone at him. "And you are terrible." Meredith's voice slightly raised. She threw one of their pillows at him. Derek just laughed in reply, pushing the pillow away from him._

_"Have fun changing your son's diaper." She mouthed._

_"I am gonna go shower." She smiled at him, obviously trying to seduce him. And it worked. Derek shook his head chuckling while he watched his wife disappear for the bathroom. While he is the one to change Bailey's diapers when he could have joined Meredith in the shower which was far more appealing than changing dirty diapers – but hey, McDreamy, changing diapers is part of parenthood!_

_After Derek had changed Bailey's diapers he put his son in the high chair. Meredith already prepared the breakfast for their little one. It was carrots. Then Derek Shepherd walked into the kitchen, fully clothed._

_"Have you seen my phone?" Derek asked as he walked into the kitchen. Meredith glanced at him while mothering Bailey, frowned and then she said: "Well, Derek, it's in your hand." She was pointing out the obvious but what she didn't know at the time that Derek didn't meant that phone, he meant the phone he got from the president. "Not this one. This one's mine, the government wants theirs back, I need to return it and I don't know where I put it." Derek explained the ongoing situation to Meredith. "Have you checked the couch cushions?" Meredith asked as she started searching for Derek's other phone._

_While doing that, she called out for Zola: "Zola, hurry up honey or you won't have time to eat breakfast."_

_Then she asked Derek if he was nervous. "Are you nervous?" "Well, maybe I end up going to prison if I don't return the phone. I mean I don't go to prison for that, right?" He wanted his wife to reassure him that he won't go to prison even if he can't find the phone. "No, I meant resigning." She told him with a wide smile, unable to contain the happiness about Derek resigning and coming back to her and their kids and the dream-house that Derek built for their family to live in._

_"I mean giving your job up isn't a small thing to do …"_

_She didn't complete the sentence._

_"Oh it is …" Derek replied, still searching for the phone. "… in comparison to everything here, it is." Derek said reassuringly, while Bailey was face down in his food what nobody seemed to notice what Bailey was doing._

_"But Derek …" Meredith tried to say something. "Meredith, I meet with the president's council in the morning and give them my final report and official accommodation and then I am done. I'll be home before you even know it." He said, coming toward her. She smiled at him, catching herself thinking, that this was too good to be true. Her husband, the love of her life was finally coming home._

_"It's time. It feels good." He said, feeling relieved about the fact that he can go home to his wife, that isn't obligated to stay in Washington D.C. _

_It's unbelievably freeing – for both of them. He took a big sip of his coffee. "I just wish you could be home already." Meredith said longingly. "I know, I feel that feeling too. But you know, I'll be home before you know and then you know we'll have a lot you know, Starting-fresh-sex." Derek smiled at his wife. "Derek." Meredith scolded. "Little ears in here."_

_ "Sorry." He apologized but smirked while he said that. Suddenly they heard a key in the door. Surprised, they looked up. Amelia entered the house._

_"Oh, you're here?" Amelia said surprised as she opened the front door._

* * *

_"We live here." Derek replied. "But you had a flight and you were going on and on about having an early surgery scheduled." Amelia was rambling, clearly nervous._

_"My point is you're not supposed to be here."_

_Amelia first pointed at Derek, then at Meredith. She covered her nervousness with flashing a smile. Meredith and Derek were both looking at Amelia._

_"My surgery got pushed back. Weren't you wearing that yesterday?" Meredith asked suspiciously but widely smiling._

_Amelia gaped at them with a half - open mouth. Before Amelia had the chance to answer, Owen opened the front door. "Amelia, you forgot your ..." He stopped in the mid-sentence when he saw Meredith and Derek standing there and watching them. Amelia looked to Owen, then back to Meredith and Derek._

_"Hey, ah …" Owen stuttered, taken by surprise._

_He most certainly hadn't expected Amelia's family to be there when he came to visit her or whatever._

_"I was just …" He pointed towards the door. Derek watched them, visibly amused by the scene. He turned to Meredith who just stared at them in shock. Even Bailey stopped eating his carrots and looked at Owen and Amelia. "I was just … her cell phone."_

_Owen handed Amelia her cell phone. "Thank you." She said widely grinning. "Yeah …" He said, turning to leave. But Derek had other plans. "Who wants breakfast?" He asked. "Anybody?" No answer. "We have coffee …" He offered. "I … I should probably go. I am gonna go." Owen suggested to end this awkward situation and with that he turned to go, closing the door behind him. Amelia didn't know what to do, this was really awkward. Then Bailey made some sounds, saving Amelia from her brother and sister in law._

_"Hey, little guy." She exclaimed and went to high chair, taking Bailey, saying: "Let's find your sister and …" Bailey was babbling some incoherent words while Amelia carried him away._

_When Amelia left the kitchen Meredith turned to Derek, making a face: "So your sister and Owen? Really?" Meredith asked and looked at her husband. "Yeah, she told me last night." Derek explained while putting on his coat. "You knew that your sister's doing Owen and you didn't tell me?" Meredith inquired him, eyeing him. Why did he hide that information from her? "I was supposed to tell you that?" He asked dumbfounded, not daring to look Meredith in the eye. "Yes." She replied, her eyes sparkling._

_"I don't remember where I put my phone and now have to remember someone else's sex life?" He answered back flabbergasted. "Oh, I gotta go ..." But instead, Meredith came nearer to his body, Derek asking: "Oh you wanna go again? Huh?" Meredith didn't answer, in that moment she pulled Derek's lost phone from his pocket. She chuckled as she held it up._

_"Oh. Hey, that's my phone." Derek replied and he and Meredith kissed._

_Then they parted and Meredith said: "You know, I wish you could stay or I could come with you or something." Derek already opened the door. "I'll be back soon and you know that." Derek assured her. "I know, I know." Meredith followed him to the door. "I just feel like I just got you back and now you have to go and I have to stay here …" Meredith rambled a bit. "I'll be home before you know it, Mer." Derek smiled his McDreamy smile. Then they kissed - for real kissed._

_„This is my last trip and then I'll be back for good." Derek said, smiling at her. Meredith smiled at him, the thought of Derek being back for good was amazing. "I love you, you know that, right?" Meredith looked at him as he came nearer and nearer and finally their lips met – they kissed, as in really must part ways with her now though. There's the little matter of resigning from a presidential post in DC._

_ "I just feel like I'm losing you again after I just got you back." Meredith told him her thoughts. _

_Derek replied: "You won't lose me, you won't ever lose me ..." Meredith smiled at him. Then Derek said smiling: "Wait right here. Wait for me. Stay here." It were the exact words he was saying before he went to break up with Rose, after she built the house of candles where their real house is now ... Meredith smiled as she watched Derek leave, already thinking about when he comes back to her._

* * *

Meredith heard him whispering her name in an effort. She was on his side in a second. She ignored the other doctors fussing around him, trying to get an i.v. access and a central line into his right subclavian artery.

But apparently, someone had heard him. Someone was touching his hand, it was ice-cold, due to poor circulation. "Derek, it's me, you gotta hold on. You need to stay awake , Derek." He knew that voice. He opened his eyes, tried to catch a glimpse of Meredith hovering over him.

Fear was covering her face. He wanted to tell her that he's going to be okay but he couldn't. "You really gotta pull through, Derek. Just remember that we love you."

Then, Meredith got pulled away from Bailey. She was being banned from the trauma room while they were working on stabilizing Derek. He's in hypovolemic shock. "What's happening to him?" Meredith asked with fear in her voice when she heard the beeping of the cardiac monitors. She wasn't able to think as a doctor would in a situation like that. Tachycardia. Dyspnea. Sudden drop in blood pressure. Symptoms of something bad.

They were all doctors in the room.

Meredith turned to Maggie. "Go, help him." She said, breathing heavily. "You're the cardiac surgeon and he keeps arresting." Without further questioning her sister, Maggie entered the trauma room. "Someone get me up on speed of his condition."

"Possible tension pneumothorax." Maggie said shortly, alarmed, Meredith looked up in shock.

They needed to relieve the pressure, otherwise this would send him into cardiac arrest.

"We need the portable X-ray machine, stat." Maggie commanded, she what not about to let her sister's husband on her hands and that's what Meredith makes go back to reality. "I need an emergency X-ray of the lungs in two levels. Move." Derek was getting heavier air and his skin took on a shade of blue. Cyanosis. He found it increasingly difficult to stay conscious.

Darkly, somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness, he heard Maggie call out in fear: "Damn, tracheal shift and unilaterally revoked respiratory sounds. It's definitely a tension pneumothorax..."

Then she asked for the utensils for an immediate chest tube on the posterior axillary line in the 4th ICS. She immediately released the tension in Derek's chest, the entering of the chest tube made him grunt in pain.

"I'm sorry but we have to do this." Maggie told him, making eye contact with the injured neurosurgeon. But after they placed the chest tube, he was able to breathe again. "Okay, guys, let's prep for intubation." She then told them.

Circulation and hemorrhage control

After Amelia Shepherd did a brief neurological evaluation, she never let on how she felt, basically put her emotions and feeling aside to not obstruct her brother's care- he needed to survive ...

"Get the thermal blankets now. We need to prevent him from getting hypothermic by keeping his temp level." Bailey shouted, while palpating his abdomen. "Coming right up." Meredith stood on the other side of the glass and watched her colleagues and friends working on the love of her life. Although he had done mistakes in the past, they both had, she loved him with all her heart and she wasn't ready to stop doing that.

Hypothermia, acidosis and coagulopathy – the lethal triad.

Often watched in trauma patients like Derek. Triad of death. It could happen to him too. Meredith was struggling not to panic. Then she felt someone standing next to her. It was her sister Maggie.

"Come, you don't need to be here." Meredith never looked away from the glass.

She was looking distraught, almost white in her face. But she didn't care about how crappy she felt. She wanted to know what was going on with Derek, she needed it to know. Then suddenly, his heart monitor jumped into action. Meredith's eyes went wide as she saw the rhythm disturbances on his heart monitor. "Derek." She whispered, struggling to stay out of the room.

"No." Like in trance she watched Bailey apply the transcutaneous pacing pads to his chest, then she called: "Charge to 200. Clear."

"Ventricular fibrillation. We've shocked once, now preparing for the second round of ACLS." She explained, not taking her eyes off of the monitor. Luckily, they got him back after the first try. "We need to do a Head-CT, after you got him stable for transfer. I need to check for any bleeders and we need to place a device for ICP monitoring." Amelia interjected. She was the only available neurosurgeon.

She just hoped Derek's head scan would come back clear otherwise they'd have a real problem.

At the same time, they cross-matched his blood and ran his laboratory studies. "Someone get me a damn ultrasound." Bailey shouted into the chaos. She needed to do a focused abdominal sonography for trauma (FAST) ultrasonography examination to check for internal hemorrhage. She hated this day. "I think I speak for all of you when I say I hate this day." "Yeah." Owen said as he worked to get a second access into Derek. "He's lost a lot of blood, set up a rapid infuser." Then someone got Bailey's ultrasound.

"Here you go doctor." A nurse said.

Without any delays, the general surgeon pressed the transducer against his abdomen and then after a few looks on the screen, she was alarmed. "There's free fluid in the abdomen. He needs a trauma scan."

When he was stable enough for them to get him up to radiology, they began doing the scans and at Amelia's request also a head scan due to the fact that he has a head injury and they don't know the extent of it so they do the scan to make sure that they aren't missing something that might could kill him.

"We need to take him straight to the OR." Bailey said after taking one look at his trauma scans. "She's right." Owen said as he determined findings by analyzing Derek's x-ray images. "Move." He then said. Meredith stared at the images in shock. She had no idea how she entered this room but somehow she did. "Grey. Go wait by the attending's lounge. We'll meet you there when he have further information. Meredith didn't reply. She went with them until they reached the ORs.

"You have to stay here." Bailey said to Meredith who let go of Derek's hand when they rushed him into surgery. Meredith looked at his cardiac monitor, assuring herself that he was stable before she planted a quick kiss on his forehead.

Meredith looked at them, seeing the gurney with Derek on it disappear behind doors.

She couldn't be with him. She stayed behind, hoping everything would turn out alright. She wanted to be with him, seeing that everything was good to be okay. But she needed to. Although there was a sign: _RESTRICTED AREA AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. STAY BACK. DO NOT CROSS THE RED LINE._

Meredith began pacing up and down.

Maggie was with her, after all she was her sister. "He'll be okay." She offered, trying to be helpful. "You don't know that." Meredith said nervously. Just at that, Maggie's pager began to beep loudly. It interrupted the deafening silence. Maggie flinched at the sound of it as did Meredith and Amelia.

"Crap." She then said.

"I have to go, OR 1's paging me."

_OR 1 - that was Derek ..._

* * *

_Amelia Shepherd silently went over to refrigerator, ignoring Meredith completely. Meredith had no idea what was going on. She took out an apple, turning to leave the room and then changing her mind. "Look, I appreciate that you want to look out for Owen but who I see is none of your business." Amelia stated, blindsiding Meredith with that._

_"Wow." She said surprised. "Okay. I was only trying to …"_

_But she had no chance finishing that sentence because Amelia was cutting her off: "I moved here to start something, to build a new life. You don't know me... Not really. You don't know where I've been or what I've had to overcome, because you have never had to. You've never lost the love of your life. You have never cried over the body of the person you love most in this world. You... You don't know how that messes a person up. You've never had to claw your way back from that. But I have. I'm still trying to pull myself together, and I am doing the very best that I can, so... Until you've done that, until you've had to walk in my shoes, I need you to cut me some slack... And back the hell off." She said before leaving the room. Meredith only watched her going away …_

_But Amelia was wrong or at least partly wrong, she knew what it was like._

_She had lost too many people in her life … for one, Lexie who she had grown to love, who was, is her little sister and then losing Derek on several occasions that had all to do with Seattle Grace Mercy West, now Grey Sloan Memorial … After all, she offered her life to a gunman so that he wouldn't shoot Derek for a second time (which he wouldn't have survived)._

_She was ready to take a bullet for Derek, anytime._

_But apparently, Derek had never told her what happened in that OR and before that. Her fears that that nightmare she had would come true and that he would die before her eyes … that she would lose him, she almost lost him at too many occasions. The shooting, the plane crash … only to name two._

* * *

_"Hey, can we talk?" Owen walked towards Amelia who was standing near the nurses' station, typing in her pad. But their conversation was interrupted by a nurse who called Amelia's name. "Dr. Shepherd, you have a call on line four." A nurse called Amelia over, holding a phone in his hand. Meredith was sitting there, looking for something in someone's patient chart. "I gotta get that." Amelia said to Owen. Amelia made her way over to take the call. "Hello." She said, waiting for whoever this was to reply._

_"Oh, no, sorry, you want the other Dr. Shepherd." She stated, the cell phone pressed against the ear._

_"Here's his wife." Amelia said concluding and handed the phone over to Meredith who was sitting there, working on the computer. "Hi, this is Dr. Shepherd's wife. No, he's not here. Can I take a message for him?" She asked while searching for a piece of paper, some post-it note or anything that goes that way and a pencil to write something down. She starts writing something on a paper, the pencil scratched on the paper._

_Then she exclaimed in surprise, straightened herself: "Oh, I thought he was there."_

_"Okay, sure." She replied to whatever they said on the other line._

_"Okay, no problem, thank you." Amelia watched Meredith, scribbling something down, waiting for her to end the call and spill what was going on. "Bye, bye." She said before finally ending the call and put it back. "What was?" Amelia asked as soon as Meredith ended the call. "Uh, nothing." But Meredith's voice clearly showed that it was definitely not nothing. "It was just the White House calling. Derek never showed up at his meeting this morning." Meredith answered. "Uhuh." Amelia looked at her._

_"I am sure his flight got delayed or something."_

_Meredith waved it aside, pushing her real feeling aside as well. She wasn't calm, at least not at the inside. She couldn't help but worry._

_She then left, smiling at her although her smile was somewhat forced and bizarre. On the place where she worked was a notepad with the name 'Derek' followed by a question mark._

* * *

_"I haven't heard from him." Meredith added, it was clear that she was worrying - who wouldn't be? Her husband was missing. All they knew was that he had taken a secret shortcut (Bailey and Amelia insisted that there weren't any shortcuts to the airport but who knows right) ...  
_

_And nobody has heard from him since he departed for the airport, after reception was lost ...  
_

_She turned around, a mixture of disbelief and worry covered her face. But mostly it was disbelief that Meredith saw in the face of her mentor. She didn't speak out the words that they all feared: "He never made it to D.C." Because that's what it's mostly likely meant. That his plane crashed. For a second time. But it wasn't a plane crash, it was a car accident ...  
_

_But the universe can't just be that cruel, right? But somehow it tends to be cruel._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

**Trauma is messy. Chaotic. **

**Looking at a body that's been reduced to a bloody pulp, it might seem difficult to know where to start. Luckily, some very clever person developed a protocol: the ABCs. Airway, breathing, circulation. The ABCs keep your patient alive so you can figure out how to tackle the rest of the mess.**

** If only all of life's problems could be solved with an intubation tube. The ABCs of trauma are a handy tool for keeping a patient alive, but they're only a starting point.**

** Once the patient's airway, breathing, and circulation are all clear and accounted for, the real work begins.**

** The messy work. **

**There's no telling how long it's gonna take to clean up that chaos once you've begun, because sometimes, you don't know what you're in for. You don't know exactly what you're about to face. You don't know what secrets the body in front of you holds and whether, by the time it's all over, if there's anything left worth saving.** Meredith Grey; Don't Let's Start

* * *

Meredith was now sitting fallen together on the floor and stared at the wall, even though Amelia and Maggie who had joined them 'cause she wanted to be there for Mer, were pretty sure that she didn´t see the wall at all.

She just stared through it. "This can't be happening." She whispered quietly. She didn't want to believe it. But she was glad that they treated him here and in some lame-ass hospital at the end of the freaking world. The surgeons at Grey Sloan Memorial, they knew how to treat patients, when to do a head scan to rule out intracranial hemorrhage. Why was all of this happening? They were supposed to get their happily ever after.

They were finally happy, Derek was resigning and Meredith pregnant.

He wanted another baby. He said it himself that he wanted another baby with her. What if he won't be alive to see this baby grow up? Meredith shook her head in denial. This can't be their end, they just figured it all out. "We just got back together, we were happy with how things were. He was going to hand in his letter of resignation and then come back. He promised he would and now there is the chance that he might be gone …"

Meredith stared at the wall as she tells them this. Amelia was nervous too, she doesn't want to lose her brother. He was her rock when their father died. He saved her when she overdosed and right now she could do nothing but wait how things will turn out. "He has to survive." Meredith murmured, running her hands through her hair. Amelia nodded, staring at the clock.

"And he will." Maggie told them, keeping up a positive attitude. "But we still haven't heard from them and the surgery's going long." Meredith was on the verge of freaking out. "That the surgery's going long is a good sign, Mer." Maggie said.

"It means they can actually work. It would have been worse when it isn't going long. So they take the time to be thorough and not miss something." Meredith nodded quickly, then closing her eyes and inhaled and exhaled deeply in order to calm her nerves down. She was just so worried about Derek. What are the odds of him being still alive? Odds were normally against them.

After all the disaster they've lived through – shootings, plane crashes, earthquakes, ferryboat accidents, bombs in body cavities, storms including power outage, car crashes, ambulance crashes … it goes on.

What are the odds of Derek surviving this?

She hoped he would, she can't imagine living without him.

"So Bailey and Owen got him. He's in good hands, being taken care of." Maggie said, trying to give her hope.

"Yeah." Meredith said, then she turned over to Amelia who had been quiet the whole time they have been waiting. This was killing her. "Amelia, you have seen his head scans, right?" She wanted to be assured by her sister in law. Amelia didn't react at first. "Amelia." Meredith repeated a bit louder and nudged her husband's sister gently in the arm. "Uh, yeah, what did you say?"

Then Maggie Pierce, she wanted to go over to Meredith and Amelia, heard her pager beeping.

She looked at it and made a dash for the operating room. "I knew there would be complications." Meredith couldn't, didn't want to believe this was really happening. "You don't know." "In my life, the bad things always happen." Meredith replied.

"Yeah, you can say that." Amelia nodded in reply. Suddenly, Meredith wasn't feeling very well.

"Amelia … I …" Meredith stammered as the room goes blurry, immediately Amelia's attention was on her sister in law.

Meredith felt like she was falling. She heard Amelia screaming her name, but it seemed so far away and she just couldn't take it anymore. Then, blackness surrounded her... Amelia saw her sister in law´s struggle to breathe. "Meredith?" She asked worriedly. Meredith didn´t seem to hear her. "What, Mer, are you okay? Meredith ..." She couldn´t even finish her sentence before Meredith was falling.

Instantly she screamed her name. But before Meredith could even attempt to answer, she was losing consciousness. Amelia watched the whole scene shocked, this couldn't be happening. First Derek and now Meredith?

Could this situation be any more cruel than it already was?

"She's lost consciousness. Damn it, what the hell is going on?" Amelia called out as she watched Meredith passing out.

She began taking over commands, when she couldn't save Derek because she was family, then she needed to make sure that Meredith was okay. He'd want her to do that. Amelia was not able to think straight but she forced herself to think, to recall medical things in order to help Meredith, she looked around hectically seeing Jo Wilson talking to someone she doesn't know.

Her brother's wife was laying there on the ground and Derek, her Meredith love of her life, was in surgery or worse, wait, she didn´t know what his condition is. "Let´s move, People. Wilson, come over. I need a little help here." Dr. Amelia Shepherd ordered Jo Wilson who came over after noticing what was going on.

"Come on, Grey. Don´t do this now." Of course Meredith couldn´t hear her in the state she was in.

"We need to run her labs now. I knew we should have just done the consult." Amelia muttered under her breath as she puts Meredith in stable side position to protect her airway. As if Derek being in a serious, life-threatening accident and him currently being operated on was not enough, no there has to something else that goes wrong as well and of course it's Meredith. "Get me a gurney now." Amelia commanded. "Wilson, come with me." She then ordered. "Oh my god, what happened to her?" She exclaimed as she Meredith lying there.

"We need to do some more research and tests on that matter." Amelia shortly replied.

"Okay." She was trying to sort out her thoughts, looking at the unconscious figure lying there.

"And someone get me a monitor stat." She called. After she took her blood she sent it to the lab, telling Jo to put a rush on it. She also put an IV access in so that she can administer fluids since she's pretty sure the cause is dehydration.

"Let´s get her hooked up to an IV and fluids. I am sure she is dehydrated. Damn, I should have thought about that in the first place. God, I am a doctor. A freaking doctor and didn´t thought about that?"

_Because of Derek and the situation he was in ..._

* * *

Maggie already feared the worst when she was running toward the operating rooms, heading for OR 1.

She was pushing open the door to the scrub room, already hearing the hysterical beeping of the cardiac monitors. She quickly scrubbed in, then entering the OR and asked Bailey to fill her in on Derek's current state. "Can I get a quick update, please?" Bailey looked up from her patient, we've fixed the abdominal bleeders but he's unstable. We think there might be something wrong with his heart other than the presumed cardiac contusion." Maggie nodded.

"Should we crack his chest or …" Bailey waited for Maggie to tell them how to proceed.

"Prep for sternotomy, I need the visibility."

The monitor was still beeping loudly. There was a lot of blood after Maggie did the first cut. Apparently, there was a tear or something in the heart, luckily, it was the right ventricle and not the left.

"Whoa, we need to work fast." She said as she sees the damage that has been done.

* * *

They waited impatiently for the results to come back. Meredith still hasn't regained consciousness and they were starting to get worried. "Are there any news from Derek?" Amelia suddenly asked.

"How is he doing, nobody has given us an update on him." Jo looked over to Amelia, then she said: "I'll go check." With that she left the room.

Now Amelia was alone with Meredith.

Then the labs came back. "We have the lab results …" Stephanie Edwards said as she entered the room, Amelia glanced up and was walking toward her, grabbing the results. As she read through them, her eyes went wide and she looked over to Meredith. This wasn't what she had expected. "She's pregnant?" She asked as she stumbled over the line with the elevated HCG levels.

* * *

_"Every kiss before the right kiss doesn't count anyway. I've kissed a lot of women. The first time I kissed my wife, well... I mean, she wasn't my wife then. She was just this girl in a bar. And when we kissed, it... it was like... I gotta tell you, it was like I never kissed any other woman before. It was like the first kiss. The right kiss." Derek told them, they were all listening except Charlie who was only semi-conscious._

* * *

_"It's so good to be back." Derek said, inhaling deeply before taking a sip of coffee and then he made his way to the door, he was sure that he was coming back to live with Meredith and the kids. "I'll be back before you know it." Derek told Meredith. _

_"It's time." Meredith just watched the neurosurgeon, a happy smile covering her face. _

_She couldn't actually believe that Derek was actually resigning. She couldn't believe that he was actually giving up the job in D.C. Finally, he gets it that it's just a job and that a job doesn't matter when he can't be with his family. So giving up the job is pretty minor in comparison to what he has in Seattle. _

_Derek smiled back at his wife. They were really happy now. He was happy and the kids were happy and Meredith was happy. And it was actually okay to have his sister as his boss. It really was. Meredith followed her husband to the door, he was leaving for D.C., he has a plane to catch. Maybe it'll be delayed or something because he was running late. _

_"I don't know, I just feel like I just got you back and now you're leaving again and …" She kinda starts to ramble. Derek turned around, he can't leave before saying actually goodbye. What if something happens to him? He wants to have a very good moment with her before he actually needs to leave. "And I just have to stay here." She completed her sentence, looking at him with her blue eyes._

_ "You do, you have to stay here." Derek told her, smirking at her for a second. "Stay here. Stay here. Wait for me." He said dreamily. Meredith was lost in his eyes. _

_She didn't want him to leave but she knows he has to in order to really come back. "Don't move. Wait for me." He repeated, his eyes were saying 'I wish I could stay now, being here spending the day with you and the kids'. But he knew this wasn't possible. Then he just kissed her, he leaned forward and their lips touched. For a moment, their world stopped and they just enjoyed this moment. After what feels like a second (she really wanted it to be an eternity) Derek broke the kiss._

_"I'll be back before you know it."_

* * *

** Funny, isn't it? The way memory works? The things you can't quite remember, and the things you can never forget.**

* * *

_ The carousel never stops turning. Then she watched Derek leave. He went over to his car, started it and drove off. He was going to the ferry slot, he wanted to take a ride with the ferry. He loved ferryboats and that was the quickest way over the water. _

_In the meantime, Meredith was getting the kids ready. She had to work today. In this moment, her phone started ringing. But it appeared that she hasn't been able to hear it. _

_"Okay, Zozo." Meredith said, she was being happy._

_ "You have to move a little faster 'cause we are late." She told her daughter, she already had Bailey on her arm, she was only waiting for Zola. "And who can never be late?" She asked. "Surgeons." Zola answered in a sweet voice. "That's right. What happens if surgeons are late?" Meredith asked her. "People die." This was so foreshadowing Derek's car accident. _

_"Right on, sister." Meredith answered and walked to the door. She didn't hear the ringing of her phone. She'd later curse herself for not hearing the phone. It was Derek calling. _

_But she didn't know because she didn't hear the phone. _

_Then she left their house with the children to work. "Hey." Derek was standing there, looking out of the Sound and had a cell phone pressed against his ear. He was calling Meredith but she didn't pick up the phone. "It's me. I'm on …" He continued. It was a bit windy. "I'm on the ferry. I just wanted to say that I love you." He completed. But when he got off of the ferryboat, he was in the middle of a damned traffic jam._

_ He is so missing his flight, he was sure of that. But then he remembered the shortcut and had an idea. _

_While changing the lanes, he turned on the radio. Soon the traffic was behind him and he was on his way to the airport … without being stuck in the traffic, which was a huge relief._

* * *

"And also dehydrated." Amelia added. "We might want to page someone from OB to get her and the baby checked out, I don't want to take chances. "Hm, I'll page them right away." At the same time she made the pager call. Now they waited for some doctor from gynie squad to let her get checked out.

After a while, Meredith slowly regained consciousness. "What happened?" She asked. She noticed that she has an IV access on her hand. Cristina flinched at her words. "Grey. You are awake." Dr. Bailey saved her from explaining. "Can you remember what happened?" Meredith thought. Then her face expression changed. "Derek." Sheer terror plastered on her face.

"The accident... God... no..." Meredith exclaimed breathing heavily. Amelia saw the scene concerned, knowing that this wasn't good for the baby. "Meredith." She said loudly, trying to calm her down, since it wasn't good for the baby. "Where's Derek?" Meredith asked as she sat up abruptly. "Stop, don't do this, Meredith." "What I have to see Derek, he's …" Meredith got out.

"No, you've nothing to do but to take care of yourself. You're pregnant, I've seen it on the labs and I paged someone down from OB to get you checked out." "What? No, I don't need an ultrasound, I'm fine." Meredith tried to tell her but of course Amelia didn't believe her, why should she when Meredith passed out after Maggie got paged to Derek's surgery.

"You really want to go there? Because everyone in this room knows this is a lie. My brother and your husband is currently being operated on by skilled surgeons but still I am worried about him. He's my only brother … and I don't want to lose him." "You won't." Meredith suddenly said, apparently taking a leap of faith. She needed to believe in Derek and the surgeons who worked on him.

"But you also need to take care of yourself and the little one." Amelia reminded her.

Suddenly, Meredith started tearing up with no obvious reason besides Derek's disastrous car accident.

Amelia thought it were the hormones that were kicking in.

With tears in her eyes Meredith looked up at Amelia.

"I'm pregnant, Amelia. He's going to be a father again, we're going to be parents for another little baby. Zola and Bailey get another sibling." Meredith panicked, realizing that her and Derek's unborn baby would never meet his or her daddy if he died. This seemed unimaginable. Life without Derek seemed unimaginable. She'd said she can live without him but that doesn't mean she ever wants to. She doesn't want to live without with him. Amelia stared at her, she knew it, she'd seen the lab results.

Meredith was pregnant, again. She was going to be an aunt again.

And now she was telling her about it, which meant she knew about the baby before. "You're …" Amelia asked, wanted to make sure she heard everything right. "Yeah, I am." Meredith confirmed her question.

"That's explaining you throwing up." Amelia concluded, relieved that at least Meredith being *sick* was sorted out. Now there was just the constant worry about Derek. Meredith nodded. "We talked about it." She said after a while, tentatively.

"About what?" Amelia asked, knowing that this was kind of a sensitive topic. Amelia glanced at her sister in law.

"About having more kids, and now he's potentially dying. That's so unfair, that there are no words to actually describe it." Meredith told her, confiding in Amelia. "It's unfair." Amelia said, then reaching for Meredith's hand and pressed it slightly. Meredith tossed her a thankful glance. Then the door opened it and the resident from OB entered it.

"You paged?" She asked, her glance wandered from Amelia to Meredith, immediately knowing who the patient is.

"She needs you to do an ultrasound. She passed out, we think it's due to stress and dehydration (that's what the IV is supposed to treat) but since the labs showed that she's pregnant, we …"

Meredith cut her off: "We want to know if my and Derek's baby's okay."

The resident nodded and started prepping for the ultrasound. While she does that she asked Meredith where her husband is: "Where is your husband, does he work here too?" "Yeah, he does but you can't page him since he's in OR 1 being operated on which is the reason for me passing out." Meredith explained. "He's been an accident." Amelia added. "And you are?" "The father's brother. I'm related, if that's your question."

"She really is." Meredith wanted to get her mind of Derek and her getting an ultrasound works pretty good.

"Can we start?" She urged. "I want to see Derek's and my baby."

"Yeah, of course we can. It's getting cold now." She warned as she pressed the gel on Meredith's abdomen who turned her head to see the screen. "Maybe we can even hear the heartbeat, or is it too early for that?" Meredith asked, she really wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat, as sort of a comforter with Derek still being in the OR.

"See that is your baby." The resident said, while pointing at the computer screen. It was very small but it was there. "It's about three weeks." On Meredith's face could a small hint of a smile be seen. "He should be here for this. I can't do this alone, Amelia, I can't." "You don't have to do it alone, Mer." She just said, she was sure Derek would survive. After telling them that everything looked good, the resident asked Meredith if she wanted to have a picture of her baby. She only nodded.

"Here you go." She smiled.

"Page me if there are any problems."

Then she exited the door, leaving Meredith and Amelia in the room. Meredith was staring at the ultrasound image, Amelia was watching her: "Hey, it's going to be okay." She said. "You don't know what is and what will be happening. You don't know." Meredith said, not taking her eyes off of the picture.

There was desperation in her voice, the fear of losing Derek was clearly there. What if they were calling time of death right now? Meredith shuddered slightly, she didn't want to think of that possibility. "I know. I know. I've been through this." Meredith looked up. She had said been through this, hadn't she? She has. "Been through this." Meredith repeated, looking over at her sister in law. Amelia realized now what she had said. Nobody knew. "You have been through what ..." She repeated unsure whether it was appropriate to ask or not.

"You ... you don't have to answer, it's okay ... I'm sorry, if it's too personal." Meredith rambled, clutching the baby image in her hand.

Amelia breathed in deeply before she replied: "It's okay." She told her. "I haven't told Derek or any of my family. Just my people in L.A. know about it ..." Amelia trailed off, glancing away. "About what?" Meredith glanced at her, noticing the tears in Amelia's eyes. "I was pregnant from my dead fiancé." She told her. Meredith didn't budge, she just listened to Amelia's story, reaching for her hand.

"I … his name was Ryan. I think we both … influenced each other in bad ways. We … did drugs, lots of them. But then we decided we wanted to get clean and have a family. But it never came to that. Ryan overdosed. They sent me to rehab. Months later, I found out I was carrying his child. I was like, twenty weeks already. My body was just so screwed up from all the drugs that I didn't paid attention to the symptoms. I know my story is different from yours, minus the drugs and minus the carrying a sick child to term because it was too late to abort."

"Sick." Meredith repeated slowly. She had no idea what that could mean.

"My baby was anencephalic." Amelia told her, meaning her baby didn't have a brain. A silent tear escaped from her eye and wet her cheek. She ignored it. Meredith didn't know what to react.

* * *

_"You know, remember ages ago, you and I had a really big fight? And I told you, I said, 'you're like coming up for fresh air. Like I was drowning, and you saved me.' I still feel that way when I see you, what we have, our family. That's the feeling. It's you." He confessed, looking at her dreamily. Meredith wasn't able to escape his blue McDreamy eyes and she didn't want to._

_ Finally, her Derek was back. She smiled when she heard that he still feels that way about her._

_"It's always been you. And I want more." He confessed. He wants more?! Meredith had no idea what he was talking about. About having another baby? Was it that what he was trying to tell her? She waited for him to continue, stares at him with big eyes …_

_ "Of this, of us, of... I want to have more. Let's have more. I mean it." He really means it. Meredith's heart rate fastened a little bit. He wanted another child with her (crappy genes that aren't so crappy …)_

_ "You're crazy." She said while looking at him with big eyes although she had to admit that she liked this idea._

_ "That's not a no." Derek noted, chuckling a bit. _

_Meredith wanted to assure herself that she had heard correctly: "Another baby?" Derek nodded, replying: "Sure." "Uh, seriously?" Meredith looked at him wide-eyed. "I'm completely serious." Derek told her. Meredith just stared at him for a moment._

* * *

After what seemed like an eternity, they were able to finish Derek's surgery successfully.

"Just tell me. Is he..." Meredith pressed for more information.

"He survived, Meredith. He´s suffered extensive injures to spleen and liver and one of his kidneys were damaged, but we were able to stop the hemorrhage. He´s suffered tension pneumothorax ´cause he has broken ribs and one of them punctured his lung during surgery, so we had to page Maggie Pierce. Also, he suffered trauma to his heart, there was a tear in his right ventricle but …"

"I was able to patch it." Maggie interjected, smiling. "Yeah, my words and we did some studies to confirm our assumption that he has a cardiac contusion which means there is the chance that he could go into arrhythmias."

Meredith closed for a moment her eyes and stared at Bailey in shock.

Amelia watched her worriedly, not that she passes out again. "He is in recovery and as soon as his anesthesia wears off, he´ll be moved to ICU. He´s currently stable." Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. "When can I go see him?" She asked. "You are free to go, but please, Grey, take care of yourself and make sure you eat and drink. Otherwise you´ll end up in a hospital bed." Bailey advised her.

"You may not be my intern anymore, but I still care about you." "And remember you have to take care of another person now too. This isn't just about you Meredith." Amelia told her, referring to Baby Shepherd Meredith was carrying. She wasn't showing yet. That'll come soon enough. Meredith nodded, she wanted to see Derek. "Barring any complications he should be okay." Bailey told her. It felt like an eternity.

"Oh thank god." Amelia breathed a sigh of relief. Meredith just asked one question: "Can I see him?" A question she had just asked minutes ago but Bailey hadn't answered. Or has she?

Meredith had no freaking idea.

/

When she entered his ICU room, she swallowed hard. Derek was laying in this bed, hooked up onto a million things like catheters, a central line ... She forced herself to look at him. He was pale, she suspected it was because of the extensive blood loss. Then there were all these medical devices he was hooked onto.

The heart monitor was beeping rhythmically and his sats were stable.

She reached for his hand and squeezed it slightly. Amelia leaned in the doorway, seeing the cardiac monitor beeping rhythmically but as a neurosurgeon she knew that this was not the only sign of life. Her question was whether his brain was working. She really hoped it was. But in fact, she had no idea whether his brain was functioning or not. Then Owen suddenly was behind her, with an unreadable face expression.

"Amelia." He said.

"What is going on, Owen, just say it." She urged him, not taking her eyes off of Derek for one second.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

** Time stops when you're in the O.R. You step up to the table, you evaluate the patient, you pick up a scalpel, and then you go into a bubble. It's just you and your surgery and nothing else matters; not time, not pain, not exhaustion, nothing. **

**It happens in real life too. **

**When something big happens, something tragic, you freeze, you retreat into your happy bubble for what seems like a second, until you look up. And suddenly, you realise it's a whole new world. **

**How do you step back into the world? **

**It's scary. **

**Time stood still and now it's speeding by. You're looking for a lifeboat, something to give you hope. But are you really ready to leave your happy little bubble and step back out into the big, blinding, bloody, terrible world? **

**Are you ready to achieve the impossible?** Meredith Grey; Time Stops

* * *

When Meredith entered his ICU room, she swallowed hard.

Meredith always thought she knew what it was like, seeing someone like this. It's what she does every day. Every day she was seeing people like this – but only with a detached doctor view. Now the roles were reversed. She was a relative of a critical injured patient who was her husband. She wasn't prepared for that. Derek was lying in this bed, hooked up onto a million things like catheters, a central line ... She forced herself to look at him. His eyes were closed.

She was wanted nothing more than that he opened them … that he was awake.

He was pale, she suspected it was because of the extensive blood loss. Then there were all these medical devices he was hooked onto, there was even an external pacer since they've suspected cardiac contusion and they want to cover all the bases. Since he is at risk for sudden dysrhythmias. Somehow, Meredith was afraid to touch him. He just looked so vulnerable, not like the Derek she knew.

She heard the whizzing of the mechanical vent he was connected to. She watched how it shoved air into his lungs. The heart monitor was beeping rhythmically and his sats were stable.

"Derek. I know you probably can't hear me but you need to listen to me." Meredith swallowed hardly. But of course Derek didn't react. Only the monotone beeping of the machines could be heard. "I need you to come back to me. Don't cop out on me now. I know you're fighting for your life and I am begging you please fight to win. You've survived so many things, please don't let it end like this. I need us to have our lifetime, Derek." Meredith sniffled as she tried to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"I'm … you always said you wanted a third one, Derek. And our third one - it needs his or her daddy. And Zola and Bailey, they need you too. I'm pregnant, Derek. I need you to fight for us and I need you to know that I love you. I always have and I always will." Meredith choked back tears as she clutched his hand, waiting for a response. But of course there was no response.

He was just out of surgery. "I need you too." She reached for his hand and squeezed it slightly.

Amelia leaned in the doorway, seeing the cardiac monitor beeping rhythmically but as a neurosurgeon she knew that this was not the only sign of life. Her question was whether his brain was working. She really hoped it was.

But in fact, she had no idea whether his brain was functioning or not.

Meredith was with him, begging him frantically to stay with her. It was heartbreaking to watch. Amelia remembered the words she had said to Meredith yesterday. Now it all has changed in an instant. Meredith was now facing the possibility to lose Derek forever. It seemed like she'd cursed Meredith and Derek's relationship, that the accident happened because she'd said that although she knew that that was a load of crap.

There is no way of knowing or predict what could have happened before.

Then Owen suddenly was behind her, with an unreadable face expression. "Amelia." He said. "What is going on, Owen, just say it." She urged him, not taking her eyes off of Derek for one second. Meredith didn't even look up although she heard Amelia and Owen talking.

* * *

"Your mother just arrived and is asking for you." Amelia looked up. "Oh, she is already here? I thought she'd get on a plane tomorrow, anyway, it doesn't matter, you're right. I'll just tell Mer so that she doesn't freak out, when she sees Mom." Amelia chuckled slightly despite she knew that the occasion was not in any way laughable. Quietly, she entered Derek's ICU room. Meredith was just sitting there, staring at his face and holding onto his hand for dear life. "Meredith." She said and startled Meredith from her daydream staring at Derek.

She flinched when she heard Amelia talking to her.

"Mom's here now." Amelia warned her. Meredith looked at her in confusion and tiredness. It seemed like she hadn't really listened to what Amelia told her. "Uh, what did you say?" Meredith asked, confused. "Mom's here. She'd taken the first flight out and she is now here." Meredith only nodded, she knew freaking out wouldn't do anything good to her nor the baby.

The baby, the reason Derek had to get through this.

"I'll be fine." Meredith told Amelia.

Amelia knew as well as her that it was the code for her being not okay. It meant the opposite of being fine. She was so not fine.

Amelia hovered for a minute over Meredith before she silently exited the room to welcome her mother. She was waiting for her in the entrance hall. Carolyn Shepherd made her way over to her youngest daughter to hug her before asking how Derek is doing.

"I got here as fast as possible. How is he, how is Meredith taking it?" She wanted to know. "He made it through the surgery. Now all we can do is wait and hope." Amelia forgot that her mother also asked about Meredith. "How's Meredith, that poor girl must be terrified." Amelia chortled sarcastically. "You have no idea. She … take it easy on her, she needs rest. She's worried sick about Derek, just as I am. Just leave it at that."

"Why rest?" Amelia's and Derek's mother inquired.

"Uh … It's not quite my place to tell you. It's her and Derek's place not mine." Amelia pointed out. "Okay. Now I want to see my son." Carolyn said. "Yeah, follow me." Amelia told her, knowing that Derek's mother will eventually find out about Meredith being pregnant. She has her ways, ways that tell her when someone is pregnant. When they reached Derek's ICU room, they both saw Derek lying there and Meredith curled up half on a visitors chair and half on Derek's bed. When she heard them entering the room, she jumped up in surprise.

She hasn't heard them coming. "Hello, Meredith." Derek's mother adressed her in a soft voice.

"Mrs. Shepherd. This ..." Meredith started, trying to cover the awkwardness.

"I'd be more happier if this would be a different situation without anybody being injured." Carolyn concluded. "Please, call me Carolyn, Meredith. You're family." Amelia and Carolyn continued to talk silently while hovering over Derek. Meredith mostly just sat there, holding his hand and watching the monitors. The cardiac monitor beeped in rhythmically and she was glad over that.

But somehow, that changed. Suddenly, he went into some

* * *

"Where are the kids?" Meredith's thoughts raced. She'd totally forgotten about them.

"Meredith, it's okay." Alex' voice said, he was watching her concernedly. "It's not … where are they, I've …" Meredith stammered, jumping up. "It's okay, Mer. Carolyn and Amelia have them, they've went home to get them to sleep. But I know that Zola kept asking where you were." "Amelia has taken them home?" Meredith wanted to know. "Yeah, she asked me to tell you." Alex explained. "So they're home?" Meredith asked, wanted to be sure that she heard everything correctly. "Bailey and Zola are at home, yes, together Amelia and Shepherd's mother."

"Good." Meredith nodded relieved.

She hoped they would be able to take him off of the ventilator soon, although a few days ago the settings were pretty high. Also he kept having arrhythmias. Maggie was right with her suspected diagnosis 'cardiac contusion' which was the reason for him to keep going into arrhythmias.

"Derek. Come on, wake up. I am waiting for you." Meredith begged him to open his blue eyes.

But nothing happened. Everything stayed the same as it is. She laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His thorax rises and falls with each breath, though he was still intubated and the ventilator helped him breathe since he couldn´t do it on his own. Meredith spent four whole days on his bedside, she´s refusing to leave the room. What if something happens when she's not there? What if he ... what if he wakes up and she is not there? If she leaves Derek's ICU room only to eat something.

"Meredith, have you been here all day and night?" Carolyn's gentle voice woke her up.

Meredith jolted awake. First she was confused but then she saw Derek's mother standing there, looking at her worriedly. "Uh, yeah, I think I did." Meredith answered, she was rubbing her eyes before her hand automatically reached for Derek's hand. It was warm and that was giving her hope. "How are you holding up?" She asked. "Did you eat?" She watched the general surgeon with genuine concern.

"When do I have time for that?" Meredith replied, her eyes landing on Derek's heart monitor.

In the moment, he was stable. "I can't leave him." She said without taking her eyes from Derek. "You've been sitting here all day. I'm sure he won't mind you taking care of yourself. I can sit with him while you're taking a shower or something." When Meredith thought about that, taking a shower didn't sound that bad. She'd changed her scrubs but she never went home.

"I ... I have to admit that that sounds good." Meredith said, looking up. "I'll sit with him. You can take the time you need." Carolyn offered. Meredith was surprised of the kindness that Derek's mother showed toward her.

"Systolic's down to 72. What the hell is happening? He was stable." Meredith called out frantically as soon as she saw his heart rate and blood pressure going down. He became hypotensive. Then the monitor set off an alarm. "V-fib." Meredith called out frantically.

No, this can't be it. Within seconds, Bailey and Maggie Pierce were in Derek's ICU room and taking over. Luckily, they had the crash cart on standby. Within seconds they've put a backboard under his back and started with resuscitation. Meredith was frozen, her eyes were on the monitor, this wasn't supposed to be happening. He was supposed to live. "He's crashing. Meredith, get out." Miranda told her while grabbing the paddles and waiting for a nurse to charge them. "No, I'm not leaving him." Meredith had tears in her eyes. Derek was crashing.

He was crashing and all she could do was standby and watch it happening.

Her life has turned into a horror show and there was nothing she could do besides stand by and watch it play out.

Maggie had started CPR. "I am charging to 120. Clear." Maggie stopped for a moment and when the monitor still didn't pick up a rhythm. Derek's lifeless body jerked up and Meredith choked back sobs that threatened to come up. There was still no change. "No change, he's still in v-fib." Maggie called out, refusing to give up.

She wasn't about to let her sister's husband die on her with Meredith watching. They charged again and this time it worked. "Charge to 200. Clear." Derek responded, finally. Meredith gasped as she saw the sinus tachycardia on the heart monitor. They've got him back.

"Sinus tach." Bailey announced, while she was staring on the monitor.

"Damn it." Maggie said, suddenly she knew what was going on. She'd been fixated on fixing the right ventricle but she hadn't looked for traumatic VSDs. Maybe it's what's causing him to go into heart failure. It can happen in patients with cardiac contusion. "What's going on?" "I need to do chest films and repeat echo now." Maggie took over the lead. "Make it fast."

"Wait what is going on?" Meredith interjected, scared out of her mind. "No time to talk, Grey. We'll update you as soon as we can." Bailey called back, as they released the brakes and pushed Derek's bed away. Meredith just stood there, not realizing what had happened to him. She just stood there until Alex came by, he wanted to see how Meredith and Derek were doing. But he didn't expect to find Meredith alone in an empty room about to cry. He feared the worst. "Meredith, what's going on? Where's Derek?"

"They took him down to the OR. His heart can't take the shunt volume, they need to close it. He coded, Alex." Meredith stammered, her eyes wide.

"Okay, sit down." Meredith listened to him and took a few deep breaths. She was desperately trying to compose herself. What should she tell Amelia and Carolyn? She should call 'em, that's the right thing to do.

"I have to call them." She mumbled, tears running down her cheeks.

Derek's life was on the line and she was totally freaking out.

* * *

_ "Everybody take a breath." Owen stopped it._

_ He was running this, he was the lead surgeon on this case, this was Shepherd, one of their own. They needed to save him. "I mean it. Stop what you're doing and every one of you take a deep breath and centre yourself. There's no room for mistakes here. We rush, we make mistakes. So, everybody, take a breath." That worked. All the surgeons, who are about to go in on Derek, stepped away from the OR table and took a deep breath so that they can work efficiently._

_ He was right, rushing things would only complicate it all. _

_"We need more lap pads in here." Owen ordered while having his hands in the patient's abdomen. "More please." He added. "I've got bleeders everywhere." "Let's get control of that liver laceration before he gets unstable." Owen ordered. He was interrupted by the anesthesiologist. "His body temp has dropped to 32 degrees. He's getting hypothermic." _

_"I need a retractor in here." Bailey called out, waiting for someone to hand her the asked instrument. _

_"His pressure is dropping." _

_"Oh no, don't do this Derek. You can't leave the people you love and who love you." She tried to tell him. _

_"Still got active bleeding coming from somewhere." Owen said.__ "Then let's recheck the retroperitoneum. "Clamp. Give me a tie, please." Owen commanded, while working on controlling the remaining bleeders. Then he found the source. _

_"I've got a lumbar vein avulsed in the vena cava. Two Allis Clamps." In this moment, as soon as Owen Hunt said these words, Bailey called out: "Ventricular rhythm, damn it, he's bradying down." All doctors looked at the cardiac monitor that was beeping loudly in distress. _

_"Pressure's down. Systolic is 55." Bailey said. "Damn it, we need to page Pierce. She is the cardio attending on call and the best we have in that specialty." Owen and Bailey were working on controlling the abdominal bleeding. _

_They've already managed to get control of the splenic bleed with a partial splenectomy. Luckily, they were able to salvage part of it. Also, they fixed the liver lac that had been bleeding profusely but was now under control. _

_"Pulse is down 40 and dropping. Push one of atropine and …" _

_"CVP and arterial pressure shot up. It might be an air embolus. Pull back on the PA catheter." "Hang more units of FFP and factor VII." Then there was a flatline. At this point, Maggie was there, quickly assessing the situation._

_ "I'm opening him up. Ten blade now." She said, making the first cut. All attendings were determined to save Shepherd's life. "We're losing him." Owen called out. "Starting cardiac massage." Maggie announced. "Push three of epi and another one of atropine." Someone called. After what was feeling like an eternity, Derek's heart came back. The attendings and other OR personnel breathed a sigh of relief._

_ "Systolic is 70 and rising." Owen said and shortly after, he had some happy news to share: "Got it. Bleeding's under control." _

_"ICP's stable." A resident said that was monitoring his intracranial pressure in case it rises which it hopefully not will._

_"Get him up to ICU now." Owen ordered when they finished the surgery. Then he turned to Bailey and Maggie: "Will you tell him? I'll go with Derek." "Yeah, sure." Bailey answered, Maggie only nodded.  
_

* * *

But then, when she sleeping, she felt a light touch on her hand.

She jolted awake, looking at Derek´s face. And really, he opened his eyes.

Meredith could not believe it, she thought she was dreaming, but she wasn't dreaming. This was real. Derek is awake and responsive. Weird sounds were greeting him when she opened his eyes just a little bit. The light was very bright when it hit his eyes. Immediately he squeezed his eyes shut to protect them from the light.

Derek tried to recognize where he was. He tried to look around but somehow it was difficult. When he tried to breathe, Derek felt something blocking her trachea. Panic shot through his veins and she tried to make someone help him.

"Derek?" Someone whispered, stroking his hair. Meredith saw him move a little bit and she jolted up. Derek was waking up. This was a very good sign. "Derek?" She asked quietly. When he recognized her voice, he searched with his eyes for her and tried to speak. Then he noticed the ET tube in his mouth and immediately began fighting it. "Derek. Calm down. Everything is going to be okay. I´ll page Bailey, she will be here in a minute." Meredith was happy about him fighting the intubation, it means he can breathe on his own.

"Bailey will be here any minute." Meredith tried to get him to calm down.

"Grey, you paged?" "He is awake." She said grinning, not able to hide the smile that was covering her lips. He was finally awake.

"Can we take him off of the ventilator?" After giving him a quick exam Dr. Bailey made the decision to extubated him. He coughed as she removed the tube. "He is ready to be taken off of the ventilator. Prep for extubation." Meredith looked over to Bailey, a small hint of a smile was on her face. "Really, he is ready?" She wanted to know, she didn't want to rush things that might set him back further. "Yeah, he is. He's breathing over, doing more work than the machine does." Bailey smiled at the young doctor reassuringly and Meredith reached for Derek's hand.

"When I remove the tube I want you to breathe out when I start removing it. On my count ..."

Derek blinked to show him that he understood what she wanted from her. "One, two, three." She counted and slowly and carefully removed the tube. But still, it was uncomfortable either way for Derek but he got through it. "Do you remember what happened to you, Derek?" Dr. Bailey asked after she removed the tube that helped him breathe. "Dr. Shepherd. We're all glad to have you back." She said.

After checking his vitals again, she left the room to give them their privacy.

"Meredith?" Derek asked.

"You remember what happened or why you are here?" Derek looked between Meredith who looked worried and the other doctors in the room. Why were they staring at him? Then it came back. The memories of the almost fatal car crash came back. He remembered helping the people who were in the other cars that overturned and flipped, forgetting about him.

"Yeah, I ... re ... remember." He finally croaked.

* * *

Meredith was there, she was tired.

The days worrying and hovering over Derek and monitoring his recovery - process took more toll on her than she anticipated. "Mer." Derek said, his blue eyes were gazing at his wife. He saw that she was exhausted.

"Mer, you don't need to sit here every minute. I can tell that you're tired and about to drift off." Derek watched her closely. Although he was now confined to a bed, it doesn't mean he can't read Meredith like a book. "I'm fine." Meredith insisted. Derek didn't believe her but she was saved by his mother who appeared in the doorway.

"I left the kids with Amelia." She said. "They keep asking about you." She then continued.

"We haven't told them about you being in an accident." Meredith nodded wearily, for a minute she felt light-headed but soon it disappeared. Derek watched her with a frown. "You haven't?" She said. "That's good, I think." She murmured unsure. Then, out of sudden, she felt the need to throw up. She stiffened noticeable before mumbling a quick excuse and running away. She felt Derek and Carolyn looking after her.

"What's going on with her?" Derek asked worriedly, he was trying to sort out his thoughts. Carolyn knew what was going on or least she assumed something. "I'm sure it's nothing. If it's serious they have tons of doctors running around here." Carolyn assured her son. She seemed to know something. "But what if …" "Derek Christopher Shepherd, what have you done?" Carolyn sat down on a chair next to Derek's bed.

Derek looked at his mother for a second, he assumed Amelia had called her after she got the news of him being in a ferocious car crash. "Uh, what are you talking about?" He tried to avoid the topic. "You almost killing yourself." He got as an answer. "Oh, that." He muttered suppressed.

"I didn't intend on doing that. It's not my fault that one crazy driver sent his car and another car flying while trying to overtake." Carolyn smiled softly.

"I know. We're just glad you didn't die. That poor girl sat by your bedside for days … She was worried crazy about you, we all were." Suddenly, Derek felt tired and Carolyn saw that.

"Just rest. We won't leave."

/

Meredith immediately ran for the next bathroom, she made it just in time before she had to throw up. Their unborn baby really didn't like the food she had. Maybe she should tell Derek. After all, this baby was still alive. She should tell him, this was good news after all.

* * *

Derek smiled at his wife but soon his smile disappeared when the pain hit him. Meredith noticed that too and said something to Bailey who was still there. Her Derek was awake and responsive and he remembered what happened. Relief flooded through her veins and she let out a breath Meredith didn´t knew she was holding.

"Just rest, okay?" Meredith whispered, she saw that Derek was tired and in pain. Derek nodded relieved, staying awake for long was hard and right now he was barely managing to keep his eyes open. The analgesics were starting to kick in and making him drowsy. Slowly, his eyes closed. But that was okay. Sleeping was good. He needed to do that to recover. He was alive and that was all that mattered to her right now.

Suddenly, Amelia appeared in the doorway. She looked just as tired as she was. "It looks like he's better. Bailey told me they extubated." Meredith nodded in reply. "They did. He's actually back." Her gaze wandered to the heart monitor and checked her rhythm.

"That's great." Amelia breathed a sigh of relief.

Then the couple was interrupted by Amelia who came running as soon as she heard that Derek has woken up and promptly walked in on them kissing. "Oh, really?" She asked. The broke the kiss instantly when they heard Amelia Shepherd entering the room. Meredith looked aside, avoiding Amelia's glance.

"Meredith?" He asked, his voice hoarse. He had woken up again. He tried to look at her but it was difficult. "I am here." She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Don´t ever do that again, Derek Shepherd. I thought I lost you forever." She scolded him, gently tracing her fingers over his arm. "I love you." He just replied, his voice still hoarse from the intubation. Meredith smiled and squeezed Derek´s hand. "Give me a real kiss." He demanded playfully. Meredith leaned over him and kissed him softly on the mouth.

"Me too. I love you." Bailey watched Meredith and Derek interact, then: "I hate to break up the party but some of us have to work." "Well, he can't exactly do brain surgery in that state." Meredith stated. "I am well aware of that, Grey. I've operated on him, like six days ago."

* * *

"I need to show you something." Meredith said when Derek was noticeably stronger. She was lying next to him, careful so that she didn't hurt him but he just told her that she could never hurt him. His blue eyes looked at her and she was so glad to see them looking at her. Then she held up the ultrasound image and Derek's eyes went wide in realization and a smile formed on his lips.

"Seems like your sperm already decided whether we get a third one or not." Meredith grinned happily.

"Oh god, I have to say I love my sperm. We're having another baby."

Derek smiled widely and Meredith leaned over him and they both started kissing. Their lips touched and Derek's heart monitor sped up a little. But that was due to emotions and not some kind of medical emergency.

"Derek." Meredith snuggled against his body. "Hm?" Derek gave back, half sleeping and half awake. "What happened?" Meredith asked, referring to the accident. "How did it happen?" She wanted to know. Derek opened his eyes and looked at Meredith for a second, then he looked away.

"There was a lot of traffic, so I decided to take a shortcut. There was no reception or anything, just a rural and deserted road to the airport but you know that I never made it to the airport." He began to explain, he grimaced slightly and winced as he shifted a bit to the left. "Are you okay, do you need more analgesics?" Meredith asked as soon as she heard him wince.

"No, just you." He answered, for a moment a dreamy smile flashed over his lips and they both forgot why they were here.

Meredith just listened to him.

He could take all the time he needed to take to relive those life-changing moments.

After a while, Meredith asked: "What happened?"

Derek turned his head to her.

"Suddenly, there was this car, always swerving and speeding. It wanted to drive past me and luckily, nothing big happened besides me saying 'I'm ten miles over the speed limit, that's not fast enough for you?' And then it happened. The driver was trying to overtake another car and this time, it went horribly wrong." Tears glistened in Meredith's eyes, already knowing that the following seconds would tell her what happened to Derek. Derek stared into nowhere for a moment before continuing to tell his story.

"They flipped and overturned. I tried to brake but then I realized that I wouldn't be able to stop the car before the other cars crashed down on the roads … so I swerved, I needed to … otherwise I would have been killed instantly." He shuddered slightly when he remembered what happened.

"I'm so glad you didn't die, Derek." Meredith confessed. "Hey." He said, cupping her cheek with his hand. Electricity shot through her cheek and she felt the warmth coming from him and instantly she relaxed.

"I'm here. And I won't ever go. I want to die when I'm 101 in your arms. We'll get our lifetime." He said, smiling his big McDreamy smile Meredith adored.

„I am glad to be alive, to be here with you and the kids. Speaking of them, where are they?" Meredith's mind went back to the kids. Amelia and Carolyn had taken them to the park now that Derek was awake and stable which was a relief for all of them. "Carolyn and Amelia took them to the park. She loves spending time with them, I think." Meredith answered. Derek nodded. "She always loved taking care of her grandchildren. Most of them are older than Zola and Bailey. School age or older." He said. "Hm." Meredith replied.

"Do you want me to get the kids?" Meredith asked.

Immediately Derek's face brightened and he nodded vigorously.

So Meredith was going to get to Zola and Bailey. Derek looked forward to his children. He had not seen her since the serious accident at the time, or only very briefly. Therefore, he could not wait until Meredith came back with Zola and Bailey. After a few minutes Meredith was with the children there. Zola crawled immediately Derek's bed. Meredith smiled happily, for that moment she was careless, the merciless reality would overtake morning fast enough. Derek reached out his arms for Zola.

Zola said joyfully: "Daddy." "Zola." Derek called out. "Come here." Zola looked at him.

"You all better now, Daddy?" She asked with a serious face expression.

Derek's gaze wandered to Meredith. "I am all better now, Sweetie. The doctors here fixed me all up. I'm as good as new." Derek told her, while he pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Didn't you wear a seatbelt?" Zola asked with an innocent voice. Meredith gaped at her oldest daughter. Did she really just asked that kind of question? Zola did.

Derek stammered, taken aback by his daughter's question: "I did but sometimes you can get hurt even if you're wearing your seatbelt. But still, wearing a seatbelt is very important or you could get hurt more badly than if when you wear one."

"And then you need surgery." Zola concluded.

"Could be." Derek answered, amazed by how smart his little girl was.

**Five Weeks Later**

Derek has been discharged and they could go back to a semi normal life. Meredith was now showing. Only slightly, but she had a little baby bump. Finally, they had gotten their life back on track after everything that happy. Meredith was more than thankful for the fact that her husband was still here alive. That her family hadn't been ripped apart.

Then, two weeks later, he was back at work, wearing his blue ferryboat scrub cap and was scrubbing in with Meredith on a trauma patient. They had to work simultaneously. But it was great to be back.

"CT shows a slow bleed, small epidural and subdural. I need to get in there. Is he under?"

"There's also a lot of blood in the abdomen. Seems like we have to go in at the same time." Meredith smiled at her husband who replied it. Derek's life was pretty much back on track. He had a gorgeous wife and gorgeous children and a third one on the way. His job at Grey Sloan as neuro attending (with Amelia being his boss, which wasn't so bad after all." And he was home - having the time for the most important thing: his family.

Washington D.C. and the brain mapping thing had been the wrong choice.

"We're ready for you." The anesthesiologist said.

_Say it._

Meredith waited for him to say it.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun."

Every one in the operating room clapped, this was his first surgery after his accident. Derek smiled under his scrub cap. He knew he'd been incredibly lucky, he knew this could have turned out completely different.

"I love you." He mouthed to Meredith. "I do, too." She mouthed back and then they both made the first cut.


End file.
